Legacy rp feedback hosted by Spider

[Spider]

Im going to drop all reviews for all roleplays in this thread over the next couple of days so if you asked for feedback you'll find it here. If you didn't ask for feedback, you'll find it here. Everyone feel free to drop any feedback in here cause everyone likes to know where they can improve or just be praised.


I wanna first off talk to Joe Lych about his roleplay. I'll give it a 6/10 and I'll tell you why. Lych has no confidence, and his overall presence is weak. He's supposed to be a roughneck beer swigging brawler, but I don't feel thatf rom him. Comes off more like a pseudo roughneck beer swigging guy. You need to build more of a personality for him and that'll will most likely make his roleplays better. I honestly can't think of anyone else in this fed who doesn't have something to their charcter. Ziggler, best in the world, Spider, that damn good, Richardson, current visionary, Mckissick milk drinkin babier than babyface. Everyoe has something but personally I get nothin from Lych. Barney Green plays that persona better then Lych does.

My suggestion is try to tap into that beer swigging roughneck Austin and that brawling Barrett. Lych needs depth. His rp's are often follow the same routine, he's talking something about his match and connor giving him advice and making him feel better. But I never really get that confidence factor from him. Even Barney Green who has 0 confidence in his wrestling ability says I'm just gonna beat up on a man and outlast him. That's where his confidence lies in his ability to take a brutalizing and keep getting up.

If you want to be better in this game and truly be the World champ again I think you need to think about who Joe Lych is, and what he's about, where he comes from and wher he wants to go. Why does he wrestle?

Getting back to the review of your roleplay. You did a good job of showing the frustration over the past couple of weeks. You talked a lil about the history you have with Dolph Ziggler which wasn't bad. It was very short so there wasn't a lot of substance to carry it into something better. I would have liked to have seen a 2nd scene after Connor helps him build up his confidence to where he talks to Ziggler about how it's gonna be different this time, and he is going to show him why he's a former world champ, and how it's not gonna be a wrestling match it's gonna be a beat down. Ziggler can out wrestle him but not out fight him and thats what he's gonna find himself in; a fight.

Theres people here who can work with you if you need help. Just... find out who Joe Lych is.

[Spider]

Read FTW's roleplay. I loved the character development in the rp. I liked the 'daek side' of Ricky coming out showing there may be either some demons lurking or maybe that's his 'truer' nature or maybe wrestling is changing hom as it does from time to time. At the same time its an interesting contrast to his in ring recklessness. Shows that as a singles wrestler he'd be kinda like Jeff Hardy in a sense. An entertaining wrestler who probably does as much damage to his own body as he does his opponent. Takes some of the worse bumps ever and somehow keeps going.

Jimmy on the other would definitely be the Matt to his Jeff. The better actual wrestler of the two who saves his partner by coming in and letting him rest up a bit while slowing the pace just a touch and changing the attack style. It would be an intersting thing to see these two go one on one in real life, knowing eachother so well with their contrat in styles, one may think the clam cool grappler Jimmy may win. On the other hand the high impact from the high risk high reward Rocky may be too much for Jimmy to handle. I think that actually is the chemistry as to why the work so well together.

I did like the fact you gave them more singularity in this roleplay and that was where the character development came in. Really this was a great rp by the two. Dave is showing little to no ring rust showing why as Dante he was one of the bext WWG had ever seen. With FTW, if they ever focus on their single as well as tag team wrestling I can see both men going very very far. Great roleplay 9/10

[Spider]

Gryphons rp was ok, to be honest after reading it I wasn't too worried although my own roleplay lacked heavily... well in length mostly id give myself atleast a 7. Id give Jace about a 6.75. Not that his roleplay was bad persay but it lacked an absolute factor and at the same time really didn't run with the change in his approach. If you're going to talk about something in scene one, run with it in scene 2 or at least make reference to it. It takes away from the overall depth of the roleplay. The two scenes seem compltetely seprate especially when you talk about something the the first, it almsos makes no sense to continue it in the second if its something where you're going to maybe try something else. If you run with the slight tweaking or re-inventing of Gryphon in the following weeks then it'll be intersting to see, I just wasn't a fan of how you went about it this week.

Getting back to what I was saying earlier I didn't mind the reflections Jace had saying I used to be that guy. The downside was no reflection on why/how he became that guy and what/how he's going to get out of this rut and get back to the top. Once again this would have been the perfect opportunity to show the re-invention of Jace Gryphon. There were far too many maybes in this roleplay. It may just be Jaces style but that's what I mean what I say a lack of absoltuement. Instead of maybe I'll turn the tables it should be '**** that noise I am turning these tables.' I used to be 'that guy back then, and I'm going to do whatever it takes/ I know I have what it takes/ come hell or high water I'm going to get back their again. Jace was far too passive just going through the motions not coming to any conclusion about anything other than look out cause maybe I'll do something. My suggestion: start a program with Barney Green. I think a feud between you two would be good for the both of you and you seem to be kinda jealous of where he is or atleast Jace Gryphon is. Maybe not jealous just envious that it used to be you now it's him. You could actually use that as your passion and fuel to move up in the card. Just a suggestion.

If you're going to talk about something run with it. This is what I should do, nothing on what or how I'm doing it. This is where I'm from, nothing on where I'm going to go. Maybe I'll do this. It's similar to Jakobs rp a few weeks ago when he talked about not having accomplished much in two years and just left it at that. The best reference I can use is if you check back in the archives... http://WWG.smfforfree3.com/index.php/topic,8983.0.html I would suggest if not to read at least skim over both. This is a perfect example of saying something and concluding it. I ask the question where is Specer Clark and by the end, answer it by coming to a realization. No maybes. Just an absolute.

[Spider]

After reading Maddoxs rp he's got me about as worried about him as I was at new generation so I'm gonna have to work on something pretty big this week. Match talk wise, it was a better Mike Maddox. Character development was nice, really shwoing off why they call him the laides man, enjoying the night life, the beach, things that you expect from a 'pretty boy' Still I think personally a lot of that was filler to pad your roleplay, not necessarily a bad thing I'm just sayin. All in all I really have not too much to critique on this roleplay. It was said, done and done. Well laid out from beginning to end.  9.1/10.

[Spider]

Scott Carr always has solid match talk. He's a top notch rolepalyer and I often have nothing to critique.... except for this week. Of course there was a purpose, your Scott Carr afterall, but I don't think you needed to sum up an enitely play for a one line purpose. Then again maybe it was needed to express the gravity of it all. Personally I felt it was a lot of filler, and could have been better put to use with Scott Carr detailing his justice and Vengence rather than using Shakespeares words for himself. My personal stand. I did something somewhat similar with Hamlet and myself in another fed, but directly made reference to the main players in Hamlet as to what was going on in Spiders career actually one of my all time favorite rp's.

Anyway, as I was saying, to me too much filler that kinda hurt it but the overall match talk saved it a lil. 8/10

[Spider]

I have to say I kinda don't get it. The beginning of Jakobs roleplay made sense up to the very end with the pics of FTW... I just didn't get the reason or symbolism. But lemme talk about the rest. It was an interesting approach this week. No words just actions. It worked for me, just showing a different way a roleplay could be effective. Personally I like the approach. Gets top marks on the creativity scale. Personally I would have liked a second scene with match talk but meh. I guess that coulda been left to moxley if he actually showed. A strong ehough rp from him may have got the win. Personally Id have to take an average of the two to be fair so moxley would have to drop fire. For this 8/10.

[Spider]

Read Zigglers roleplay but don't remember it to well so this is gonna be short. From what I remeber you hit all points well. Always love roleplays with the prologue intro its a nice way to set the stage. Really not much to critique as I said you hit all points. Spider present and future Lych past and present. It was a solid roleplay that's just it. 8.5/10

[Spider]

Feedback for Mckissick.

As much as I enjoyed his last roleplay where he played this part I think it lost its magic. If you want to have this as a recurring character that's up to you just not sure how well it'll go over. I had it happen in one roleplay before in an old fed. A segment based rp and people loved it, tried again... couldn't duplicate the magic. I really feel that's what happened here. 7.5.

[Spider]

Feedback for Green:

This is the last roleplay I will critique. I think Walsh was a throw away rp and i will not read an Eve roleplay again. Unless it is actually readable.

I don't think the second part of the roleplay was needed and could have been used on a later date with a different roleplay. To me it added nor took anything away from the above. You went pretty strong at Carr and I do like Barney Green rp's id give the whole thing 8/10

[BarneyGreen]

I appreciate the feedback. I admit I am not the best writer this place has to offer but I wanted to go all out against Carr.

[Spider]

I thought of starting a new thread then opted not to just makes another thread for the same reason.

Anyway read Christopher Mckissicks roleplay... absolute gold. It had everything that I'd look for in a rolepplay. The match talk the character development, a scene that makes sense, the passion. Aint anything I can take away from this, it was as close to a perfect as one can get. 10/10.

[J-Dub]

Wait could it be, Spider gave someone a 10/10 on a RP who wasn't Scott? Damn I knew this was a big one, told him to make it big, but wow. I don't disagree he stepped it up.

[J-Dub]

Oh and I just finished reading your's Spider, a solid RP, I want to stay non bias, so I wont rate it, but it was solid work. Good build up for later with Dolph, a good "backstory" with the matches, good match talk against your opponents in a historical fashion.

[Spider]

Thanks man I appreciate the feedback. C-Mick dropped fire that's all I can say about that.

Moving on to Joe Lych. This was a better roleplay then last week. Taking the time to reflect on a few things and look to moving forward and getting back to where you want to be was nice to see. Hopefully this'll be a stepping stone towards better roleplays 7/10

[Spider]

After reading FTW's rp I once again see Jimmy as the Matt Hardy more so in this solo rolepaly. That's not a bad thing at all JBL always said Matt Hardy is a main event waiting to happen... it just never happened. He did a good job talking about how tag teams often get over looked when it comes to single wrestlers. Also talked about how tag teams break up and or disband but that's not gonna happen with FTW. There was some very solid match talk and character building not just for Jimmy but a bit for the absent Ricky as well.

The one thing I didn't like is that is seemed like Jimmy was saying he's better than Ricky. Seems kinda contrasting, I'm better than this guy but still gonna tag with him. Ither than that solid. 8/10