Spider Roleplay Feedback Thread July

[Spider]

Jace Gryphon Roleplay

I don't really see a purpose in dropping feedback for this roleplay because it was a throw away roleplay but there's only three I can critique for last week so whatever. Now as an actual roleplay I:d give it like a 4 maybe, cause that... actually that's more than Id give to Eve. For a spoof roleplay in copying a horrible roleplayer, I give you an 8. You did a very good job of capturing the lack of command of the English language as well as just overall poor production of a roleplay. Good job.

[Spider]

Christopher Mckissicks roleplay:

It was another all around good effort. He showed a little growing as far as his understanding of thw business and confidence in himself and such it was nice to see. His match talk was solid as always. Not too much tp critique it was a good roleplay. 8.1/10.

[Spider]

Joe Lych roleplay:

The roleplay was a bit of a let down. It really felt as if Joe was going somewhere wiith this roleplay. The first scene set it up and I was hoping the second would have been nice and strong but it was... not. That's all. 7.6/10 the first scene was really good.

[jacegryphon]

Bro that RP was a straight copy/paste of one of her old ones, I just changed the names and genders, haha.

[Spider]

Joe Lych Roleplay:
That was a really good roleplay. a little short for my liking, but I do like the angle your on right now. I do like the fact that you're winning matches and that you're looking to take it to your opponent as said in your roleplay. My only gripe is I wish your roleplays were a little longer. Still though it was a good read all in all. 7.9

[Spider]

Felicity Kane's roleplay:
Maybe it's just the charcter I'm not sure but she didn't seem to really answer any of the questions very directly if at all, but as I said that just may be the charcter. The charcter itself is an interesting concept so I'll give you points for creativity on that. The match talk was displayed well, you did a good job of straight bashing Eve and to be honest You cold have dropped two sentences and I would have given you the win still. anyway as far as the roleplay went it was decent for an intro roleplay.7.75/10

[Spider]

Liel O'neil roleplay.
I liked the first person perspective or the roleplay. Ii've seen a few peoplewrite this way. I try not to cause well its just not my style but it worked out well for you. Overall it was more or less what someone would expect to see from a debut rp, which doesn't make it bad, but doesn't really give it anything special. The history was good as well as the overall introduction of the character. It'll be good if you keep this guy going. I look forward to seeing how he develops. 7.2/10

[Spider]

Jakob Hysteria rp
This is a really good Hysteria rp. The opening paragraph really put into perspective how unhappy Hysteria really is with what's been going on lately in his career and how its affecting his mind set as well as in ring performance. I would have liked to see a lil more on Jason Richardson, but I know how hard it can be to talk about someone but at the end still have enough left to drop a good roleplay against them when you two finally face off. It may not have been much but what was said toward J-rich was good.

The match talk vs. Spider was good. I think you took it to a more personal level by referring to him as Shane, and when addressing him directly continuing to refer to him as Shane. The way you broke down how you see him was displayed very nicely, it was a well thought out roleplay. When you turned it around to talk about it being an ego thing it made me laugh only because Spider says he's not an ego maniac. But you showed well how it could very well be an ego maniacal approach between the two as far as what they are trying to prove, change, or maintain, from this match.

It was an overall really good roleplay from Hysteria I think his best yet. The only downside for me is how he kinda disregards his losses and says he doesn't care about them but other than that, straight, very good rp. 9.0/10

[Spider]

Joe Lych roleplay
This whole angle with the brewing company seems to be working out nicely. It gives Joe more to talk about which has made his roleplays better. I'm not sure where exactly he plans to go with it. Where he wants to take it or how long he'lll keep this angle up but currently its still not bad. When it comes to gis opponenets he still has little to say.

He's schemed to make his roleplays longer. I think the main thing at this point is to devise a way to add a lil more about the match or about your opponents than you do and you'll be right back up at main eventing cards and winning more titles. 8/10

[Spider]

FelicityChristopher Mckissicks roleplay:

I skimmed through it once again Mckissick does a very good job of brining out his emotions in an rp. It's not an easy thing to do at times, and it really takes acertain special thing to really get across the exact emotions that you're attempting to with just words. Good job on that. I like the fact that you took it from a standpoint of not the righteous path but the necessary path. You also ended it nicely and the Legion does have the entire WWG gunning for them, so good job to Jason Richardson for orchestrating that as well. 8.2/10


Barney Green:
Short and to the point. You also did a very good job of displaying your anger and how you were going to take out your pent up frustration and agression on your opponent. One thing. Ending it with peace, went against the entire roleplay, Green wasn't at peace at all, it kinda took away a lot for me, and with no description it doesn't let one knoe if there was sarcasm in that last line or anything. Though the roleplay itself was pretty strong we all know it wasn't your best 7.1/10


Leif Oneil:
This was another decent roleplay from Lief; ill even say solid. It was an ok job of dialogue between the two and I like how it was focused on Leif and his girl rather than anything else as well as the match. The match talk was good, the scene was set up well and it flowed together nicely. A beatable roleplay but still good job overall, it would take some work to beat it. 7.8/10


Felicity Kane:
When itcomes to bashing her opponents Felicity Kane is top notch. Using Josh as her personal puunching bag is kinda cute. Still I'm not seeing much in the way of chraacterdevelopment granted this is only the second roleplay I've seen from her. The only thing was how she lashed out at the question of her old tag partner. It would take Jackson Green to get an answer out of her for that. Anyway pretty good roleplay no glaring weaknesses to critique just overall pretty good. 7.4/10


Lee Dobinson:
The rolepay was good. Just all around. Displaying who and what Dobinson is and whhat he's about. Match talk was good though it feels a lot like the Wyatt fam from how you're using him. I wouldn't necessarily say Angus is weak... anymore. A month or so ago I would have agreed. Also I don't think the second scene was needed at all. Yea that's just it, it wasn't needed... at all. 8.0/10


Joe Lych:
I really enjoyed Joe's rp I didn't laugh out loud but it was entertaining I didlaugh at the comedy in it. When joe gets time he can really put out a solid piece of writing I do hope to see more rp's of this quality and better overall is was an entertaining read and a good write. 8.0/10