BLACKOUT PRESENTS CARNAGE :: 24th of July, 2014

[Dave]

For the first time ever, BLACKOUT
hosts a very special edition of CARNAGE

And the schedule for the show is...

Bryan Blaze vs. Terrance Knight

Yolandi Visser & Slipshod vs. Ascension (Kronos & Burn)

Christian vs. Ethan Rains

8-man Battle Royale
(The Wretched Nobody, Nick Sadistic, Spider, Titan, Desmond Rains, Johnny Lightning, Marcus Collins, Maxwell Lord)

Eddie Hayes vs. Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson

[Dave]

The intro video rolls, and opens upon the arena as this special edition of Carnage, BLACKOUT PRESENTS CARNAGE, goes lives, with roars of anticipation sweeping throughout the arena. It doesn’t take long before “Power Glove” starts blaring on the speakers, and one half of tonight’s special hosts, Eddie Hayes, makes his way down to the ring to a cheer of applause.

Inside the ring, he grabs a microphone.

EDDIE HAYES
Thank you, thank you! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a very special night - because tonight I have control over what you will see and experience. And tonight, I’ve organised a few special “matches” for you - including something we haven’t seen, a new take on an old classic, and some good ol’ fashioned competition. But first, I have a special surprise for the viewers at home. If you’d be so kind as to look to the announce table, you’ll notice that there are a couple of empty seats where usual announcers Chris Arenas and Adrian Riley are usually perched making their inane comments. I’ve decided to give them the night off. Tonight deserves a little bit more colour. So, let me introduce you to my very good friends, and your special guest commentators for this evening…

“Professional Griefers” by deadmau5 erupts over the speakers to thunderous applause as the former WWG stars emerge, dancing about excitedly on the stage.

EDDIE HAYES
It’s JIMMY COLT, and RICKY KING, the Fantastic and Transcendent Wildcards!

The Wildcards join Hayes in the ring and after brief bro-hugs, they step out, down the steps and over to the announcer’s table, taking their positions and fastening headsets.

JC: It’s good to be back!

RK: And together!

JC: Welcome to Blackout! We’re here to do what we do best; make a mockery out of everyone in this business, this time at Eddie’s request.

RK: And maybe to bring some egos back down to size.

JC: Well Ricky, first we’ve got to work on your ego.

RK: I have a raging ego, it’s true.

JC: Ah, but who cares? You’re not even employed here anymore!

Inside the ring, Eddie Hayes motions for silence from the announce team and the crowd.

EDDIE HAYES
Alright! Let’s get to it. What do I have in store for you tonight? First of all, I have this crazy, outlandish idea… how about we start the show with a little wrestling? WWG has made a few signings in the last week or so. So why don’t we start a little friendly competition between the new guys? Bryan Blaze and Terrance Knight will fight it out in our only traditional match for the evening.

Hayes continues.

EDDIE HAYES
Our first match, just minutes away, will be that triple threat match, and because it’s their first time around here, I’m just going to let them do what they’re supposed to do best. Wrestle. Now for the second match, however, I’m going to spice things up a little bit. Since everybody and their dog has seen that someone is being a little bit precious, and considers himself more prince than anything, I’m going to let him play as royalty - as a little princess. And because the Irish are just so damn hilarious, I’ve decided that Christian and Ethan Rains will face each other, one on one, in an Evening Gown match!

JC: That’s… something I don’t actually want to see.

EDDIE HAYES
But wait! There’s more. I’ve got a couple more to come. I saw what happened to Slipshod at Pure Hate, and I’ve decided to give him a little shot at revenge. Therefore, Derek Kronos and Colin Burn will represent Ascension in a tag team match against Slipshod, and his partner, Yolandi Visser! But this is not a normal tag team match. Instead, one person from each team will be armed with a weapon. Slipshod will carry a baseball bat, and Colin Burn will carry… a feather duster.

RK: That’s a remarkably fair match-up, right there.

JC: Eddie Hayes doing what Frederick Kavanagh could not, and that’s making sense.

EDDIE HAYES
Finally, we’ve got a big one. Let’s put my good friend Titan in the ring with Desmond Rains, Marcus Collins, Johnny Lightning, Maxwell Lord… Spider… Nick Sadistic… and The Wretched Nobody! An all out battle royale. But wait! There’s more! Each competitor will randomly be chained to another competitor in the match! And the winner will be the last man standing in the ring. Or winners. Whichever works. So that makes this an eight-man chained together over-the-top-rope battle royale! And the winner gets… nothing! Because what else do most of these people want other than bragging rights?

Suddenly, Frederick Kavanagh is on the stage, mic in hand.

FREDERICK KAVANAGH
Wait wait wait, just a minute there, Eddie. Aren’t you forgetting something? I agreed to let you run the show, but you have to make your wrestling debut tonight. You haven’t booked a match for yourself yet. I can’t just let that slide. That’s why I’m using executive control to book you in a match against Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson.

RK: WHAT?!

JC: Oh come on! Eddie’s not a wrestler… he can’t face that.

FREDERICK KAVANAGH
I’m also banning Titan from ringside during the match. There’s nothing you can do, Eddie. Enjoy your little show.

Eddie Hayes looks stunned as Kavanagh smiles, before disappearing into the back, as Carnage heads to a commercial break.

[Dave]

Bryan Blaze vs. Terrance Knight

“Liar Liar” by Farewell Singapore hits the arena’s PA system and after a few moments, Bryan Blaze enters through the curtain, sporting a navy blue and white scarf wrapped around his neck, and a pair of Aviator sunglasses, and a military style jacket to go along with his normal ring attire. The fans in attendance who recognize this man groan audibly. Blaze smirks, and shakes his head for a moment on his way to the ring.

Matt Thomas: It is time for our first match of the evening. Introducing first, from Williamsburg, New York, Bryan Blaze!

"Out of My Way" hits the PA, and a no-nonsense Terrance Knight makes his way to the ring. No pyro, no special effects; the chip on Knight's shoulder is more than enough to accompany him on his way to the ring.

Matt Thomas: And his opponent, from Tom’s River, New Jersey, is Terrance Knight!

Shouting, stomping and literally demanding the fans' attention and respect, TK wakes up the crowd on his way to the ring, where he poses and pounds his chest before waiting in the corner for his opponent.

JC: Remember when we were new guys? Who did we fight again?

RK: Spencer Clark and Spider. We were born to be hall of famers.

JC: But we’re not. Hell, we were barely around for a month or two. Let’s hope these guys can do better. And here we go.

"Here to Show the World" by Downstait blasts throughout the PA system. The crowd explodes in a pop. 

RK: Wait, what’s this? This isn’t what Eddie said would happen.

Dolph Ziggler comes out on the stage with his back turned to the crowd while he shows off by putting his hands on his head and shaking his butt around. He spins around and says something to the crowd. He points to himself and points at the wrestlers in the ring.

JC: It's Dolph Ziggler! He's made the jump! Dolph has invaded the WWG!

Dolph gets to the side of the ring, glides onto the apron and puts half of his body through the ropes while pointing to both Knight and Blaze. He takes his body out of through the ropes and shows off again. Then he enters the ring. The camera gets a shot of a fan with a sign that reads "We Want Ziggler". Dolph grabs a microphone from the crew member and begins to speak.

Dolph Ziggler
If you guys don't know me by now...Hi, I'm Dolph Ziggler.

There's a big pop from the crowd. Dolph Ziggler looks to Bryan Blaze while extending his hand out.

Dolph Ziggler
I'm Dolph Ziggler.

Blaze doesn't shake hands, Dolph has a grin on his face. He looks to Knight now and does the same thing. Knight just slaps Dolph's hand. Dolph puts the microphone to his mouth again.

Dolph Ziggler
I was bored sitting in the back, and I noticed both of you about to compete in your match. I just wanted to come out here and introduce myself to both of you. Hey, I got an idea! Since we're all "newcomers" here, how about I join in on this bout and make this a triple threat match! *Points to the crowd* What do you guys think about that?

The crowd explodes.

Dolph Ziggler
I think the crowd is okay with it. How about it then? The Show Off vs TK vs Blaze.

On the big screen, the face of Eddie Hayes appears.

EDDIE HAYES
Huh, okay, is this thing on? Right. Okay. Well, it looks like you’re here Dolph. Didn’t realise you’d be here. Okay, you’re in the match. Now ring the bell.

Bryan Blaze vs. Terrance Knight vs. Dolph Ziggler

DING-DING!

Ziggler takes it right to the rookies, launching forward and attacking both with quick strikes but the new guys push back and Bryan Blaze hits him with a clothesline. Blaze with another clothesline to Knight, Ziggler in with a dropkick, Blaze bounces back up, hits the ropes and launches into a leaping forearm smash, rocking Ziggler into the ropes, and hits a spinning wheel kick on the rebound. Knight from behind grabs Blaze and tries to apply a chokehold, but Blaze blocks with an elbow do the gut, turns and snaps off a DDT. Ziggler gets in and swipes Blaze across the back of the head and locks in a sleeper hold in the middle of the ring.

JC: That all happened so far, I think we needed the rest hold as much as them!

The rest hold doesn’t last, Blaze hitting a sideslam on Ziggler. Ziggler gets back and the pair lock up before Ziggler can work in an arm drag, and another, and goes for the third but Blaze leapfrogs him instead, right into a flying knee lift from Knight. Knight turns his attention to Ziggler as Blaze rolls out of the ring, unleashes a series of strikes to the lower and mid-body, pushing Ziggler against the ropes, and clotheslining him over the top. He backs off, gets a running start, and hurdles over the top rope to the floor collecting both Ziggler and Blaze to cheers of the audience.

RK: Reminds me a little of me, and you.

All three men make their way back into the ring, but Ziggler kicks Blaze out as he tries to slide in. Ziggler approaches Knight and hits a neckbreaker, then begins laying in a series of elbow drops, leaps up for the final drop but just hits canvass. Knight approaches and starts brawling with Ziggler just throwing punches after punches and leaving Ziggler hunched over on the mat. Knight looks for a running boot to Ziggler, but Ziggler dodges and Knight bounces off ropes, returning right as Blaze leaps from the top rope and hits another DDT on the way down.

JC: Ouch! That looks like a third degree burn. Get it, Ricky?

RK: Because his name’s Blaze?

Ziggler refocuses on Blaze who’s coming in quickly, trying to catch Blaze by surprise, but Blaze lets off a Pele kick, the impact echoing in the air and Ziggler goes down. Blaze with the cover, gets a two, as Ziggler kicks out. Blaze looks at the corner and slingshots up to the top rope quickly launching for a frog splash on Ziggler, and gets it. Another pin attempt draws a two as Knight pulls Blaze off, grabs him by the head, and slams it against the turnbuckle, before trying to pin Ziggler himself, just for a one as Ziggler kicks out and reaches his feet. Ziggler looks for a slamming move, but Knight blocks and takes him in a headlock, aiming a clenched fist right between the eyes. Ziggler is backed into a corner, as Blaze reaches his feet and launches at the pair but Knight avoids the charge and Blaze just splashes into Ziggler instead. Knight sees Ziggler prone in the corner and charges with a huge forearm smash, finds Blaze kneeling behind him and lays him out with a Yakuza kick and goes for the pin.

One… two… th—! No, Blaze kicks out.

JC: Didn’t think he had it in him. That was a nasty kick.

Terrance Knight is now firmly in control of the match with both opponents down after big moves, and without even seeming to think about it he climbs onto Bryan Blaze and starts laying in with mounted elbow strikes to the skull. Ziggler eventually breaks it up by hitting a FameAsser while Knight is still mounted, and seeing Blaze looking dazed and out of it attempts a cover, but only gets the two-count as Knight is there to break the fall. Knight and Ziggler trade blows in the centre of the ring before Ziggler slips behind and looks for the ZigZag, but can’t get a connection and instead has to resort to throwing Knight over the top rope. He turns to face Blaze who launches off the second rope and enziguris Ziggler, and both men go down, Blaze spent from the beating he’s taken and Ziggler almost out cold.

Seizing the moment, Terrance Knight is up, and he rapidly climbs to the top turnbuckle and picks a target. Ziggler’s closest to him, but Blaze, almost in the middle of the ring, is out of reach. So he goes for it, a shooting star press called Daybreak, and he connects, covering Blaze.

One… two… three!

DING-DING!

Matt Thomas: Here is your winner by pinfall, Terrance Knight!

Knight rises to his feet and raises one arm in quick celebration, but keeps it short and to the point, before exiting the ring.

JC: What a match. I know those others guys whose jobs we stole are usually the ones to say this, but I think we can expect good things from these three men. Only one walks away a winner, but they all deserved a win, one way or another.

[Dave]

The scene opens on Yolandi preparing for her match backstage, pounding footsteps can be heard coming up behind her.  Yolandi peeks over her shoulder and to her surprise Van Solver stands there arrogantly smiling down at her.  Sure of himself for reasons we don't know, and extents many dare not imagine.  Yolandi takes a step back and raises an eyebrow mocking confusion.  She's aware of what he's probably thinking from his puffed up posture.  For once, and more insultingly to his past opponents Van Solver begins to speak perfect English despite his thick accent.

::Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson::
Hello, Yolandi.  I have seen you are a woman of extraordinary tastes well I just so happen to be an Extraordinary man.  You see, I am Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson!  I can tell you are an uncommon woman one with uncommon beauty and an uncommon level of womanhood.  Where I hail from, women of immense beauty are common.  There is however something about you that draws upon my desires to conquer that which you leave unattainable to most.  Fear not for giving into me, and leaving your ugly Ninja behind it is but giving into your true nature as a woman for I, Van Solver am All that is MAN!

Yolandi looks at Odinsson with an unimpressed, almost blank face and then tilts her head to the side slightly in an awkward manner while a white rat crawls up her arm and onto her shoulder, before speaking in an accent of her own

Yolandi Visser
So that's how things work in Ysland? You just come over, insult a chick and think she'll fall to her knees for you? Guess again Mr Viking, Yolandi Visser doesn't roll that way. The only thing being conquered between us is my personal space that I'd appreciate you giving back.

She pushes Odinsson's chest with her right hand as if it would somehow move the giant of a man, doing it more so as a way to make a point rather than actually move him

Grace:"Ignore his ass, honey.  He hits girls anyways, you can do better.  You're too pretty to go messing around with a boy who'll bash that pretty face of yours."

Yolandi responds slightly suspicious of Grace's sincerity

Yolandi Visser
...dank.

::Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson::
Are you jealous that Miss Visser here draws more attention than you, little Monster's Harlot?

Grace:"No, she's very beautiful and talented... so she deserves every second of attention she gets.  But you should be jealous - because with all the steroids you've taken to turn into the Staypuff'd Marshmellow Douche... I'm willing to wager that MY balls are officially larger than yours.  Measure them in Imperial, Metric or Viking calculate them out of Sparrow Hooves... the fact remains that all your threats mean Nothing to Nobody!"

Yolandi cracks a semi smile at Grace's words, yet doesn't let her guard down around either of the two due to Grace's association with The Family and the issues Yolandi has had with Starla recently

Yolandi Visser
See Odinsson? You can walk around here acting like a big tough bru all you like, but as long as women like us are around, all the muscle and brawn in the world isn't going to help you look any tougher than us. She rolls with a fokkin' monster and I've got enough zefstyle running through my blood to make your viking ancestry look like kak.

::Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson::
Stupid, stipid woman... did you not learn enough the first time we met?

Grace:"I don't know, you prick... the doctor's said I had a concussion, a case of mild whiplash... maybe they said I got amnesia - but I forget!  What I DO remember... you know... from watching the footage... is that My Beautiful Wretch absolutely STOMPED YOU!  And any time you feel like once wasn't enough... I can always call my boy back to the front of the LONG line-up of people who already want to kick your stupid ass back to Greenland, or Finland, or the Arctic cirle - where ever the hell it is you come from... no one cares anyways, most of us just want to put you on a boat and light it on fire.  You're an over inflated carbon copy bully from every cheesy 80's movie that most people have forgotten!  I'd say you're a flash in the pan... but few people put that much Crap in a Pan.  Frankly, Van Halen, it'd please me more to just tell My Wretch to light you on fire in the middle of the ring so I can actually see how long your little light burns."

::Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson::
MOUTHY, FRAIL WOMAN!

Yolandi steps back to protect her rat as Van Solver pulls back his massive fist.

Grace:"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, CHECKINKNOBZENUFF!  You throw that punch of yours at me again and you won't just - NOT walk out of this arena tonight... you'll never walk again!  I swear to Zeus, or Odin or whatever other nonsense, passe diety you claim sent you here - if you ever raise that hand to a member of My Family again... you... will... suffer Dearly!"

::Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson::
How dare you try to rob me of my manhood before such a beauty as Yolandi!  You are just upset that all eyes are on her while no one has interest in you because of how low your standards are for the men you surround yourself with!  You have reduced your worth by lingering around the likes of that twisted face corpse and that sadistic sidekick of his.

Grace:"Whoa, whoa, whoa... Sidekick?  Sidekick!?  Fictional comicbook Superheroes like... oh... let's say... Thor, for example!? They have sidekicks.  The Family only has, The Family... and we will fight to the bitter end to protect everything that is ours and everyone among us."

Behind Odinsson the stench of Nobody's breath begins beating on the back of his neck.  Odinsson's eyes shift just enough to notice the monster and finally he decides this argument is going nowhere.  He looks to Yolandi.

::Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson::
You make very stupid decisions.  And Grace I will be seeing you around.  This mutant can't be with you all the time.

Grace: "Ooooooh Buttercup, but he is!"

Odinsson shakes his head in disdain at the smirking Yolandi and the brightly smiling Grace before he stares The Wretched Nobody straight in the eye and headfakes him bringing about no reaction whatsoever.  Odinsson gestures rudely to Wretched Nobody before walking away.  Grace notices Yolandi, who has just lit and begun smoking a cigarette looking at her monster, soaking in every horrid detail of this beast of hers.

Grace: "Hy is nogal die oë is hy nie? "
(He is quite the sight, is he not?)

Yolandi looks shocked as Grace has addressed her in her native tongue, no one in WWG has and she's assumed many don't understand some of what she even says. Unaware as to whether or not this is a social olive branch from Grace, Yolandi replies in Afrikaans as well

Yolandi Visser
Verstaan jy Afrikaans? Sjoe, hierdie hele tyd het ek gedink ek is die enigste een hier wat dit kon praat.
(You understand Afrikaans? Wow, I thought I was the only one who could speak it.)

She gives Nobody another glance, silently in awe of his monstrous presence. South Africa is home to countless ganglords and street thugs, but very few the size or demeanour of The Wretched Nobody. She then reciprocates Grace's apparent friendliness by offering a cigarette as she continues speaking.

Yolandi Visser
Wel, ek sal dit sê: Daar is nie baie mense soos hy in Suid-Afrika.
(Well I'll say this: They don't make many like him back in South Africa)

Grace: "Die familie is nie gewoonlik, Yolandi. En nie is nie. Ek het nie grootword met die beste van alles nie, en die Here weet my lewe het nie presies draai uit met 'n oulike kinders en 'n wit plakkaatbetoging heining. So ek weet hoe Zef werk. Die familie het altyd 'n plek vir een van ons eie, maak nie saak waar hulle kom uit. Familie beteken dat alles, Yo-Landi. Familie beteken dat alles ..."
(The Family aren't Usual, Yolandi.  And neither are you.  I didn't grow up having the best of everything either, and lord knows my life didn't exactly turn out with cute kids and a white picket fence.  So I know how Zef works.  The Family always has a place for one of our own, no matter where they hail from.  Family Means Everything, Yo-landi.  Family means Everything...)

Yolandi looks at Grace and Nobody with a frown on her face, surprised and put aback slightly at the unexpected offer that has just been made. The family have been an ever present group since Yolandi first joined the company but this is the first cordial encounter she has had with any of them, politely Grace takes the cigarette Yolandi offered her.

Yolandi Visser
Wel, dit is nie soos ek nie weet dit help om vriende te hê in 'n plek soos hierdie. Maar vergewe my as ek spring nie op die kans om aan te sluit, ons albei weet ons lei is nie presies skoon na alles... Maar ek dink jy is reg oor dat alhoewel, as iemand hier rond het die zefstyle flow wat deur hul bloed soos ek dit doen, dan is dit Die Familie.
(Well, it's not like I don't know it helps to have friends in a place like this. But forgive me if I don't jump at the chance to join, we both know our slate isn't exactly clean after all... But I guess you're right about that though, if anybody around here has the zefstyle flow running through their blood like I do, then it's The Family.)

Grace: "My parents preferred to be childless as often as possible, so I got to spend three years in Bloemfontein on a student exchange program.  Their fantastic parenting techniques were why I wound up in the place I met Wretch in the first place.  I've been well aware of everything you've said, Yolandi.  And knowing where you're from - I'm aware of why trust isn't a front runner in your personality.  So... I don't expect an answer immediately.  Take some time to think on it, beautiful... the separation one must have from the mental illnesses too many consider common, is a hard path to take.  Still... I believe you have the strength that's needed, Yolandi.  And... I know you and Starla have had your differences... but Family always forgives Family.  You my darling, Yolandi... are a diamond this company wants to keep hidden in the darkness.  The Family would gladly see you sparkle that bright Zef Shine across the world!  Exactly where talent like yours belongs - ahead of all the scared little boys wrapped up in big scary men's bodies like Odinsson."

Like she has with others, Grace gently tucks her business card into the low-rise waist band of Yolandi's shorts - before sucking the flavour of this foreign beauty's flesh off her finger tips.

Grace: "Let's go, Handsome."

Grace gently takes Wretched Nobody's leash and saunters away leaving Yolandi plenty to think about. As she leads her monster away, Yolandi stares off at an angle with her deep eyes, clearly thinking intently about the conversation they just had as she plucks the card from her waist band and grazes her palm across where Grace had touched her.

[Dave]

Yolandi Visser & Slipshod vs. Ascension (Derek Kronos and Colin Burn)

“Band of Brothers” by Hellyeah begins to play. Derek Kronos and Colin Burn walk out and down the ramp. Derek climbs up the stairs as Colin slides under the bottom rope.

Matt Thomas: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and is a tag team match. As a special stipulation, one competitor from each side is allowed to use a weapon. Introducing first, representing Ascension, is Derek Kronos and, wielding the mighty feather duster, is Colin Burn!

Derek lets out a yell as Colin uses the ropes to stand above him. Derek drops down and punches the mat as Colin yells out to work the crowd.

RK: You know, there’s more homosexual tension between these two than in that entire locker-room.

The arena lights begin to flicker on and off in a strobe lighting effect as the euphoric sound of "Never Le Nkemise 2" seeps into the atmosphere and Yolandi Visser emerges on stage, looking out into the crowd as she points her hands in the air. As the beat drops she begins bouncing on the spot, gradually getting more and more hyped as the energy fills the arena and the fans join in with the rave atmosphere.

Matt Thomas: And introducing their opponents, first, from Cape Town, South Africa, is Yolandi Visser!

Yolandi makes her way to the ring, pointing into the crowd at her fans as the strobe lighting fades to a halt and, climbing a turnbuckle before entering the ring, she poses, staring with deep, black eyes into the ring.

JC: Is it wrong that I find Yolandi oddly attractive and unattractive at the same time?

RK: Get in line, Jimmy, I saw her first.

The lights go out in the arena as "Forfeit" by Chevelle hits. SlipshoD comes out and stands at the top of the arena. He takes a few moments and does a 180 degree stare at the crowd. Looking a bit sore from his beat down at Pure Hate, he nevertheless holds up his arm, baseball bat raised high.

Matt Thomas: And her partner, from Seattle, Washington, wielding a baseball bat, is Slipshod!

Slipshod stops right at the end of the ramp and looks around at the crowd once again. He then walks up the steps and leans against the outside ropes looking at the crowd, smirking. He slowly steps in the ring and climb up on the turnbuckle. He raises the bat again up high. He then climbs down the turnbuckle and stands there eyeballing the members of Ascension.

DING-DING!

It’ll be Yolandi and Kronos to start.

RK: This uh… looks like a bit of a mismatch.

Yolandi sprays green mist straight in Kronos’ face, and Kronos flinches backwards slightly, enough for Yolandi to go on the attacking, striking wildly and ferociously, grabbing at Kronos’ hair and pulling his head downwards as her fist fly upwards. Kronos manages to shrug her off, and stumbles back to his corner where he makes the tag to Burn and the feather duster. Burn puts the duster down and rests back for a moment, before sprinting forward and nailing a forearm smash to the skull, and Yolandi is down. Burn makes the cover, but only gets a one as Yolandi kicks out, but that doesn’t stop Slipshod from looking worried as he grasps the baseball bat. Burn pulls Yolandi off the mat by her hair and lifts into the air by it, almost mockingly, as Yolandi scratches at his chest and finally manages to rake Burn’s left eye and break the grab. Yolandi runs, hits the ropes, and hits a bulldog, then starts kicking the man in his ribs while he’s down.

RK: Jimmy, I really mean it, I think I’m in love…

Yolandi looks over to her corner at Slipshod, looking sore but willing to enter the match, and decides not to make a tag but keep taking the fight to Burn. Burn gets himself back up, but gets hit with a Pele kick.

JC: I get the feeling we’ve already seen that move tonight.

RK: That’s just lazy writing.

JC: What?

Burn doesn’t drop, though, and Yolandi is forced to start attacking the head against, unleashing a barrage of quick attacks. Burn stumbles backwards and a blind tag is made to Kronos, who comes in and nails Yolandi with a clothesline from hell, and the girl looks almost done. Kronos smiles as he pulls Yolandi up and hits her with an STO (RK: not to be confused with an STI), pulls her up again, and hits a Rooftop Drop. Kronos nonchalantly goes for the cover, but Slipshod tries to enter the ring and the referee stops him, not making the count. Kronos tags Burn back in.

JC: This is getting pretty ugly.

RK: Yolandi… my sweet…

JC: She’s been able to hold her own in matches here so far, but she got blindsided, and blindsided badly by Ascension. If Slipshod can’t get in there, I think she’s done.

Burn looks down at Yolandi, and picks up his feather duster. Mockingly, he walks over and starts running the head of the duster over Yolandi’s body as she starts to crawl away, to the corner. After lightly dusting her ass, Burn gets a sick look in his eye, and turns the duster around, holding it with the handle pointed at the ground. He raises it above his head.

RK: No…

JC: It’s a feather duster, how much damage can it do?

RK: It’s the humiliation! He’s just going to beat her with it, and there’s nothing she can do.

A BASEBALL BAT KNOCKS BURN THE **** OUT! A massive cheer erupts throughout the arena, Slipshod in the ring holding the bat high as Kronos looks on from the corner in pure shock. Slipshod gestures for him to come at him, but there’s no way in hell Kronos is getting in that ring.

JC: Jesus Tittie-**** Christ, did you HEAR the sound that made?

Yolandi realises what’s going on and covers Burn.

One… two… three!!!

DING-DING!

Kronos drops off the apron and backs away as Slipshod eyes him angrily… and then gives chase! Kronos jumps the barricade and heads into the crowd, Slipshod following close with baseball bat in hand, and the two disappear. Back in the ring, Burn rolls over, holding his head, with Yolandi pressed into a corner, watching him. She looks at the feather duster lying nearby. A sick thought seems to enter her mind, just momentarily, but she appears to back out of it and kicks the duster away. Burn is crawling now, and Yolandi lines him up… and delivers a swift kick to the groin! More cheers erupt, and Yolandi celebrates as the show goes to commercial.

[Dave]

Evening Gown Match: Christian vs. Ethan Rains

"Trouble hits and the lights go out and a purple spotlight shines down on the stage and standing there with his back to us is a reluctant Ethan Rains wearing the dress he's been forced to wear. Ethan turns his head looking down the ramp and out onto the crowd and the lights shine back on, Desmond Rains walks out joining Ethan as they both head down to the ring, Desmond has a bit of a chuckle at Ethan's expense. Ethan looks none too pleased gets up onto the ring apron and poses for an instant, forgetting his attire and then he gets into the ring. Desmond walks up the stairs and enters the ring snickering a bit.

RK: Ethan looks all kinds of angry about this attire.  He might take that out on Christian.

JC: Some of us have different hobbies than you, Ricky.

Burn in my light hits and Christian walks out from behind the curtain wearing a robe over his forced ring gear. He stands at the Edge of the of the ramp and slowly raises his arms as gold pyro showers behind him After a few moments he continues his way down to the ring. He walks up the ring steps and heads to the opposite corner. Then stands on the middle turnbuckle and raises his arms once again basking in his own glory. He steps down and passes the robe to a ring hand and awaits his opponent looking incredibly uncomfortable in the dress he's made wear in the ring tonight.

RK: On a scale of 1 to beautiful, I’ve got to give Christian credit… that’s at least a 6. Really brings out his calves.

Ethan and Christian lock up Ethan brings a tight uppercut between them breaking the hold - but Christian fires back with a series of low kicks and fast punches followed by a sudden lift like a vertical suplex, Christian twists Ethan in the air and brings him down with a neckbreaker!

RK: Vertical Neckbreaker from Nowhere!

JC: Christian is a precision practitioner - one needs to keep a few steps ahead of themselves just to keep up with him.

Christian fires a Standing Drop Kick to the side of Ethan's head as he rises back to his feet!  Ethan falls towards and comes back with a double high knee that floors Christian!  Christian gets back up directly into a Belly to Back suplex from Ethan!  Christian rolls away from the impact and springs into a Russian Leg Sweep that catches Ethan off guard, Christian maintains control of the wrist and pulls Ethan up into a Firemans carry to double knee gut buster!

JC: I gotta say, I like the way Christian moves in the ring.

RK: That dress certainly isn’t limiting his movements at all. He's like watching water Wrestle.  Unorthodox attack combined with Maximum technique.

JC: His timing seems impeccable, but he's got a challenge ahead of him at the pay per view.

RK: I thought he was fighting nobody at the pay-per-view? That’s what it says right here. Nobody.

JC: That’s Wretched Nobody to you.

Christian takes a few big steps back giving Ethan time to get to his feet.  Christian rushes in for a Clothesline that Ethan ducks but as Ethan turns around thinking he's got the advantage he's caught in a Snap mare that stuns him just long enough to taste a Running knee to face!   Christian pulls Ethan up and sends him into the ropes, as Ethan comes back he hauls into a clothesline of his own which Christian counters into a Swinging neckbreaker!

JC: Another heart beat quick counter!

RK: What this guy comes up with is constantly impressive.

JC: You really like that dress, huh?

Christian lifts Ethan up again and this time Ethan does his family name proud with a sly ankle pick that lands Christian on the wrong end of a Dragon screw, his skirt flutters around him from the sharp torsion before he slams into the groun.  Ethan control-spins around Christian's torso and locks onto him.  Ethan begins to force Christian up into a Snap Suplex but Christian spins out of that and drops down into a Drop Toe Hold that floors Ethan.  Desmond pounds the apron as Ethan springs back to his feet catching Christian in a Leg trip takedown, Ethan holds on and turns into a single leg crab but Christian is too close to the ropes and causes a break.

JC: You know what, this is turning out to be a great match - especially for two dudes in skirts.

RK: Hey, they should’ve been forced to wear make-up and wigs too!

Ethan snatches Christian up into a quick shin breaker, Christian is badly hobbled but doesn't go down and as Ethan aims for his stumbling opponent with a dropkick, Christian steps into his midsection collapsing on his hurt leg - putting Ethan in the clutches of a Samoan drop!

JC: Unbelievable counter!

RK: Sick, Tight execution of a Classic Move!

Christian tries to apply Legendary but Ethan rolls to the outside, Christian call him back into the ring wanting out of this ungodly outfit he's in.  Ethan gets to the ring apron and fakes a step inside, Christian moves towards him and Ethan fires a side kick into Christian's ribs, Christian doubles up in pain as he grasps his frill laden side, Ethan slides into the ring smoothly and transitions into a flawless DDT!  Ethan sets Christian up for an Irish Cross but Christian slides out and counters into a German Suplex!  Christian gets back up measuring Ethan up for The New Legend - as Ethan drags himself to his feet Christian moves in and to almost everyone's surprise it's an Irish Layout that leaves them both on the canvas!

Ref: 1... 2... Kickout!

JC: SO Close!

RK: Christian nearly had to wear a dress - AND spend the night on his back.

A fired up Ethan gets up with Christian and begins pounding out a series of Uppercuts that send Christian back into the ropes - Christian fires off some low kicks before Ethan sends him across the ring into far the ropes Chrisian appears to be going for a Running crossbody but Christian executes a twisting Flapjack that catches Ethan entirely off guard. Holding onto the leg, Christian quickly locks in The Legendary!  He sinks the Trailer Hitch Submission in deep as Ethan tries crawling towards the side of the ring where Desmond is, instructing him to grab the bottom rope.  Christian props himself up on his hands and with leverage on his side Christian drags Ethan back away from Desmond.  Ethan's expression shows his heart isn't in the tap-out but his legs can't take much more.  Desmond tells Ethan to get to the ropes. Unable to reach the ropes and Opting to fight another day, Ethan finally taps out!

RK: An unfortunate turn of events for Ethan Rains, his heart was in it, and he looked good…

JC: Yeah but bones only bend so far before they break and joints and only take so much tension before they rip apart.  If Christian doesn't let go soon - Ethan's going to find out exactly how much tension that is!

Christian releases the hold and rolls out of the ring quickly, he walks up the rampway certainly wanting out of this garb but before he exits he makes a point to glance at Desmond with a satisfied smile before he heads behind the curtain.

JC: Christian is likely on the move to his dressing room, he seems to want out of that costume.

RK: Neither of them liked the stipulation of the match - but I’m not sure why. They both looked great.

We see Desmond in the ring checking on Ethan who seems more frustrated than injured when up on the stage we see Christian fly back out through the curtain falling down onto the ramp!  Even Desmond and Ethan's attention is taken as Grace Brutal sashays out with a microphone in her hand.  She smiles down at Christian laying on the steel ramp as The Wretched Nobody and Nick Sadistic both walk out behind her.  Grace tips her brow towards Christian and the pair grab him, they lift him into the air and deliver a tandom spinebuster onto the stage!  Then The Wretched Nobody picks up Christian's body into The Lobotomy which he doesn't hesitate to deliver from the stage right down to the exposed floor!

JC: OH! NO! WHY!?

RK: I think we're going to need medics out here!

Nick makes his way halfway down the ramp ensuring Desmond and Ethan don't get involved, neither of them look like they planned to as both of them are leaning on the top rope watching.  Ethan has since stripped off the gown revealing his usual ring gear underneath.  The Wretched Nobody gets up and reaches to pluck Grace down to the floor by her waist.

Grace: "Such a pretty dress you have there!  You'll have to text me the contact info for your Personal Shopper!  Did you know... In some cultures - cross dressing is practiced for religious, traditional or ceremonial reasons?  Clearly you're a more relaxed kind of Drag Queen, but other people do it for spiritual reasons instead of just recreation and naps, like you.  Kind of like Weed I guess, huh?"

The Wretched Nobody lifts Christian's head off the ground by a handful of hair.  Grace's playful smile fades as she kneels beside Christian, the stern look on her face only worsened by the coldness of her stare.

Grace: "You know, there are also mental disorders dealing with cross dressing.  A long time ago being crazy actually meant something. Nowadays it's a trend that everybody's crazy!  So people like Nobody, have to do things like this to Fools like You - so that he can be differentiated from the tampered flock of sheep they found Ewe in.  So I ask you this, Christian... I ask you now, and I don't expect you'll answer me until later... Why would The Family ever be afraid of you when you should be so very - Very Deftly Terrified of Us?"

Nick Sadistic jumps down off the rampway, where he and The Wretched Nobody pick Christian off the ground, Grace rises to a stance and the pair hold the battered man in place for her to continue

Grace: "I won't judge you anymore, Christian. I'm at Peace with all this.  I have no malice against you and I hold no ribbons for you. I think that it is high time that you start looking at yourself, and judging the kingdom of lies that you have built yourself to live in.... Getting up every day and going through this again and again must be so hard on your weak little soul.  Alas... you want to come to out doorstep and threaten to take away something that belongs to My Family... and we are not the meek and meager, no, NO... WE ARE RIGHTOUS! 

Though we are rightous, we are not Saintly - for We Shall Not Forgive those who Trespass against us!  As you lay there suffering tonight... I hope you've clung to just enough consciousness to hear me when I say... Lifes Pain don't need to be all Bad, sometimes Pain can do you a lot of Good!  It teaches you things, Christian... I understand that better than most people... and before this is all said and done - so will You!"

The Wretched Nobody steps back behind Grace, off to her side as Nick Sadistic continues to hold what's left of Christian up - Nick suddenly fires Christian forward, directly towards Grace - only to have his dazed steps halted abruptly and his momentum changed abusively as The Wretched Nobody runs out past her and catches him with The Sedative!  Christian slams into the side of the ramp and crumples down to the floor.  Grace walks over to him and puts one foot on his back as he lay face down.

Grace: "If you are filled with that appropriate fear now, thinking you might someday be released; just as we are - from the mundane mindset that plagues you and the rest of the weakest minds in this world... breathe easy, Christian.  For I don't see it happening... not because I am clairvoyant... It's just that you won't Survive that long.  This federation needs no heroes or heels to topple The Family... it certainly doesn't need happenstantial, apathetic, pretty-boys like you trying and failing, either.

You have made yourself a Victim of your Talent and a Prisoner of your Pride!  This federation's fans need a foundation... a foundation of Love and Adoration - something they can believe in, a foundation on which to balance Fear and Respect - This federation doesn't need another self-rightous, self-appointed "Legend". 

All these fans need is the one thing, Christian... They need.... Their Family."

Grace drops the microphone and The Wretched Nobody helps her up onto the ramp.  Nick and Nobody follow her up and exit a few steps behind her.  Nobody doesn't take his eyes off of her, Nick surveys the wreckage with a bright white smile.

[Dave]

8-man Battle Royale
The Wretched Nobody, Nick Sadistic, Spider, Titan, Desmond Rains, Johnny Lightning, Marcus Collins, Maxwell Lord

JC: This one is going to be Kinky!  All kinds of men jacked up on excess testosterone chained together

RK: And it's an over the top Bat-Tal Roy-Al! Oui, Oui.

The gentle sounds of a music box eerily creep throughout the cold arena air that dims with every dainty pluck of pins and teeth.   The center of the entrance way lights up and we see the silhouette of a small woman.  Something is seen tracing away off into the curtain behind her.  In time with the music she can be seen yanking on it hard – the arena lights come back up and from behind the curtain lurches Wretched Nobody!  With Grace Brutal leading him to the ring this mass of a man follows in pace.

Matt Thomas: Ladies and Gentlemen!  Being guided down the aisle by the lovely and macabre Morose Rose herself, Grace Brutal… This Dark Star hails from The Danvers State Lunatic Asylum, Salem Massachusetts and at Six Foot Eleven inches tall – at Three Hundred and Forty Four Pounds he is… The WWG World Champion - THE WRETCHED NOBODY!

Grace stops at ringside and Nobody picks her up by the waist and sets her down atop the apron, Nobody catches some jeering fans out of the corner of his eye and lunges towards them only to have Grace yank on his leash fiercely, quickly bringing this beast back to her purposes for him right now.  Grace steps through the ropes and into the ring, holding onto Wretched’s lead the entire time, he follows her into the ring and puts him into his corner and removes his leash and collar.  Nobody rolls his neck and glares hard at the floor as he rocks side to side in his corner – gently tapping together the tips of his fingers seeming intent on hearing the sweet release of the bell ringing.

JC: This guy is So Weird!

RK: Oh, entirely!  But that Grace chick is hot...

JC: I'd tap her, Again!

The opening chords to Tool's "Lateralus" begin to play creating a sense of foreboding and approaching doom, as Titan reveals himself on the stage. Titan takes a no nonsense approach down to the ring, walking neither slowly nor fast, but pacing.

Matt Thomas: Representing BLACKOUT!  He Hails from Athens, Greece. Standing a Height of 6ft 11 in - coming down the aisle at an Official Weight of 360lbs... He is TITAN!

He reaches and climbs into the ring with no fan fare or gusto, but just stands and awaits the bell to be rung.

JC: Titan is huge.

RK: That's what his sister says!

The arena lights go out, and through the darkness what appears to be heat lightning rolls through some blackened clouds on the big screen.  Loud thunder is heard rolling in the stillness and many jolt from the fright of a women screaming at a blood curdling pitch! A solitary spotlight shines down on Matt Thomas in the middle of the ring.

Matt Thomas: One and All, it's warned you best Beware... and if you're brave enough that you really truly Dare - WWG Welcomes you to Witness the arrival of a Fearsome Sickness!

JC: What the eff?

RK: I'm scared JC... I'm scared!

The lights fade to black again and "House of a 1000 Corpses" by Rob Zombie begins on the P.A. system. The wide stage screen show a late night storm rolling in towards the audience; as it charges up on them a heavy fog covers the stage. The lightning cascades across the stage, rolling right to left, and left to right in a wave as Nick and Starla raise from under the stage. The lights hold behind them brightly - silhouetted, Nick has a leash in hand at the end of this leash is Nick's monster. Starla smirks as she inhales the perfume of a black rose held delicately in her hand. Penny-Wise is bent down holding on to his balloons. When making their way to the ring, Nick yanks on the leash to keep the monster moving in step. Starla gingerly starts pinching the peddles of the rose, plucking them off one by one; leaving a trail under foot of these three unusual souls. Penny-Wise gets ahead of them and runs around scaring the children and jumping around, going crazy.

Matt Thomas: Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Children of all Ages ....you are about to enter the world of darkness, a world where life and death is meaningless and Pain is God!  Coming down the aisle at Six foot Eight inches, at a Billed Weight of Two Hundred and Fifty pounds he hails from Unknown Hells - he was WWG's First Carnage Champion and the Second ever Absolute Champion... He is The Sadistic Sensation! He is accompanied by the Beautiful Black Rose herself Starla Rose...He is...NICK SADISTIC!

When they hit the bottom of the ramp Nick ties the monster to the turnbuckle, then he looks at Starla, then runs, sliding under the bottom rope. Penny-Wise is already jumping on the turnbuckles and off the ropes like a mad man. Nick lays there tell Starla enters the ring, blood starts dripping from his mouth as he grins. Nick gets up and stares at the crowd, while Starla dances around him and picks the final peddles off the black rose while Nick awaits the release of the Bell to be set loose on his prey!

JC: Look at this, the Sideshow just rolled into town.

RK: Starla has a nice rack though.

JC: Premium sweater meat, RK.  Good eye, my friend.

This guy is a bulldozer with a wrecking ball attached!

After the intro and first part of the first verse plays Spider shoots from behind the curtain to a chorous of cheers from the WWG Universe.

Matt Thomas: On his way to the ring, from Toronto Ontario Canada, standing 5’7 weighing in at 235lbs; SPIDER!!!

Spider walks to the edge of the ramp electricity like pyro runs down the sides of the ramp then circle around the ring, run back up the ramp run around the WWG-A-Tron, then explode in a shower of sparks that fall behind Spider. As the voice over bridge plays Spider makes his way down the ramp slapping hands with as many fans as he can on his way to the ring.

JC: That's one of the things I Love about WWG, RK.

RK: What's that, JC?

JC: Everybody in the Hall of Fame is all "YOLO like a Legend!" and then they need a hip replacement!

When he finally gets to the bottom of the ramp he takes a few steps to pick up speed then hops onto the apron. Spider steps in between the ropes entering the ring. He saunters over to the far corner and climbs up to the middle turnbuckle. He slows himself to a pause hunched over a little with a hand placed on the top turnbuckle as he soaks in all the electricity in the arena. Spider than straightens himself slaps the sides of his fists together and shoots out a cruicifix pose.

JC: Seriously though, Spider is in great shape, is he not?

RK: I agree, he's earned every bit of his acclaim.

After a brief moment of silence, Evil Ways by Blues Saraceno rings throughout the arena.  The fans anticipate and receive the arrival of the one and only Maxwell Lord.  Maxwell has his jacket zipped up and his hood pulled over his head as he walks out onto the stage. 

Matt Thomas: Standing a Billed Height of 6’2”, Advancing towards the action at an Official Weight of 220lbs. Hailing from Memphis, Tennessee Maxwell “Mad Max” Lord,

Max has in his hand a brown paper sack, which he holds up and shows the audience.  Max methodically makes his way down to the ring.  Upon reaching the ring, rolls under the ring ropes, gets to a knee, and finally peels his hood back

JC: What's in the bag... Just tell me - WHAT'S IN THE BAG!?

RK: His lunch.

JC: Oh... okay!

The crowd is sitting, waiting for something to happen when suddently Broken Dreams by Shaman's Harvest hits and the crowd immedialty enrage into boo's as Desmond Rains is on the ramp and walks down the ramp spitting insults at the fans.

JC: Awwww... That's unlucky.

RK: I see what you did there!

Matt Thomas: Ladies and Gentlemen I am proud to introduce to you - from the Heart of Dublin Ireland! He Stands 6ft 4in tall!  Approaching the Ring at a Weight of 240lbs - HE IS... WWG's Roughhewn Grinder!  A founding member of the Rains Progeny - Desond Rains!

Desmond gets to the bottem of the ring and walks slowly up the ring steps with a brashly hubristic look on his face, as he enters the ring he insults the referee and awaits for his match to begin.

JC: Charming man...

RK: Really, he really is.  Smooth and easy like a burning cactus.

Band of Brothers begin to play. Marcus walks out followed by Derek and Colin. The three walk down the ramp together. They walk around the ring and stand in front of the announcers table. The three men stair at the announcers as Marcus leans over and whispers to Derek and Colin.

Matt Thomas: And now, Hailing from... Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania!  He is 6 foot 2 inched, and 238 pounds of Ascension!  “The Unusual” Marcus Collins

Burn and Kronos move around the announcers table. Marcus smiles and takes off his sunglasses and drops his jean vest. Derek and Colin take opposite sides of the ring as Marcus turns around and rolls into the ring and hangs himself by his arms on the ropes awaiting the bell to ring.

JC: I'm saying it... I like the Ascension!

RK: It seems like they are a group that would have wanted FTW to be apart of them.

JC: Yeah, like the comedy and badassery... no tragedy because that's just a drag.

RK: No, JC we watched the Drag Match already.

The music hits and the lights dim and flicker, the fans start to cheer, when Johnny Lighting drives out to the stage on a 4-Wheeler. Johnny reaves up the engine, then speeds down to the ring. He circles the ring twice then parks it at the base of the ramp.

Matt Thomas: Proudly coming down the aisle from his Hometown, Dallas, Texas!  He is a Height 6Ft 5in and a Weight of 240lbs - He is The Cowboy, The American Badass - Johnny Lightning!

He get's off the 4-Wheeler, then claps some of the fans hands, then finds a special child to give his cowboy hat to, then runs and slides into the ring. He get's up and runs to a turnbuckle and raises his fists, then goes to the next and does the same thing. Then off the turnbuckle, he walks to his corner waiting for this match to begin.

JC: What do you think of this guy, RK?

RK: He's got a particular spark.  And he seems like he might be fun to drink with.

JC: Indeed he does.

RK: Oh!  The referee is busting out the chains and then we commence with the whipping!

Every competitor is chained to someone else by the referee - Lord & Desmond, Sadistic & Spider, Nobody & Titan, Collins & Lightning.

JC: I don't think I've ever witnessed anything like this before.

RK: Me either!

The bell rings and all the competitors hesitate at first, then Spider comes running at Titan with the Harlem Kick, but Titan catches him and slams him into the floor!

JC: Along came a Spider.

RK: And Titan squished it!

Nick Sadistic tries to help spare Wretch as the rest of the crowd zeroes in on the two largest men chained together - Sadistic yanks Spider out of the heap as Maxwell Lord lands a Disaster Kick!  Nick is sent to the canvas and as he rises, Maxwell tries for another, when out of the crowd - Wretched Nobody grabs him from mid-air and sends him over the top rope to the outside!

JC: Maxwell Lord has been eliminated!

RK: Demond is still in this though, so right away we're getting interesting!  Desmond goes at Wretch for making his night harder!

Desmond leaps onto the back of the big man and fires a series of punches into the back of his skull, Wretched Nobody tries getting Desmond off his back, but Collins and Lightning are right there trying to eliminate both men, Sadistic pulls Spider out from under the heap and Spider uses the momentum to get back to his feet already in a full run that he uses to deliver an elbow shot to the side of Johnny's head - nearly sending him over the top rope, but Collins will have no part of that as he comes up behind Spider and tries sending him over the top as well!

JC: I liked the first strategy... take out those two monsters chained to one another.

RK: Yeah, someone, or maybe everyone will regret that decision later.

Titan and Wretched Nobody are trying still, to get Desmond off of Nobody's back,   Desmond lifts his knees up as Wretch bends trying to throw Rains to the floor and then Desmond mulekicks Titan square in the chest sending him back into the corner - as Sadistic, Spider - Collins and Lightning all battle it out in the middle of the ring!

JC: Titan got kicked back into the corner...

RK: And Lord just came across the ring apron with his Shadow Kick!

JC: It must be nice for Desmond knowing he still has some outside help where he needs it.

RK: Titan is sore, but he's in no position to be eliminated just yet, Wretched Nobody is growing ever more angry and it's starting to look like Desmond is riding a bull!

Titan shoves Maxwell off the apron and turns his aggression on Desmond instead, trying to rip him off of Nobody's back - when that fails he tries flipping him up over the top except Desmond wraps his chain around the top rope so even when the two big men inevitably loosen his grip - between him falling and Maxwell pulling the other way, they pulley Desmond up enough that his feet don't touch the floor!

JC: Impressive.

RK: Meh, I could do that.

JC: Oh we'd have certainly thought to do it anyways.

RK: That's what makes the Wildcards Wild!

Titan and Nobody don't keep their backs exposed long as Collins and Lightning abandon their fight and try to topple Titan out of the ring!  Sadistic and Spider move in, but Sadistic won't attack Nobody - and he knows if he helps Wretch eliminate Spider his night may end soon, so Nick opts to deliver a German suplex to Johnny Lightning!  Titan overpowers Collins, pushing them both away from the ropes before he scoops Collins up into an Orange Crush bomb that folds the man in half!  Spider and Nobody start throwing punches back and forth but Nobody's been softened by the extended beating Desmond gave him and quickly Spider's speed helps him capitalize against the big man.  Desmond finally gets a foot on the apron and once back to stability he unwraps the chain, only to have Spider turn away from Nobody and dropkick him in the chest sending him to the floor!

JC: The team of Desmond and Lord are eliminated!

RK: We're left with Sadistic & Spider, Nobody & Titan as well as Collins & Lightning. And Collins is getting back up and looking pretty mad at Titan!

Collins gets back to his feet as we see Titan take Lightning by two handfuls of hair - slamming his head into the canvas while Sadistic tries sending Collins over the top, but Collins grabs onto Spider, who is talking trash to Rains, and both go over the top!  Thinking fast, Sadistic grabs hold of the chain and pulls as hard as he can keeping Spider off the floor as Collins hangs onto the middle rope and keeps his knees to his chest to avoid elimination!

JC: Incredible thinking on the part of Collins!

RK: So THAT'S why they call him Unusual.

Spider struggles back to the apron where Collins finally finds his own footing and both men begin throwing punches at one another trying to know each other off the apron!  Nick Sadistic gets back to his feet as Titan charges Collins, who immediately drops yanking the rope down!  Titan teeters nearly falling clear out of the ring, he pushes himself barely back in with the help of the apron as Nick grabs up Johnny and throws him through the second rope right into Collins' midsection taking him off the apron and to the floor, although Lightning hasn't been eliminated his and Collins' chain is now tied around the top rope.

JC: Lightning is still in this thing, but they're all wrapped around that top rope!

RK: These chains are a tricky stipulation.

Spider launches himself back into the ring at Titan with a Springboard Black Widow that sends both of them to the canvas!

JC: WOW!

RK: And that's one step closer to the hip replacement you were talking about, but Titan is down!

JC: Even the Wretched Nobody has been slowed down a step in this thing!

Lightning makes his way back into the ring as Collins sits outside looking furious, Lightning unbinds his ties and while still chained to Collins he tries to get back into things by spinning Spider around into The Lightning Bolt!  Johnny jumps back to his feet where he is met with The Sedative from Nobody!  Lightning is down but not out, he begins crawling back to his feet as Nick starts stomping on Titan wearing the man down as much as he can.  Spider is groggy but alive and he has enough gas left to try and hit The Wretched Nobody with a running Fameasser!  Spider gets back to his feet and starts to try and send Lightning over the top rope, Lightning struggles - but we can see that Collins has had enough of tonight and the referees outside the ring will not remove his shackles.  Spider fights the big man up and almost over the top but Lightning lands back on his feet and plants a Roundhouse Kick into the side of Spider's head!  Seeing his chance as The Wretched Nobody slowly gets to his feet, Lightning rushes in going for his Thunder Clap stomp as he leaps into the air - Marcus Collins yanks the chain for all he's worth and Lightning's momentum changes directions sending him crashing to the floor outside the ring!  Collins demands his chain be removed and the referee finally obliges.

RK: Unorthodox... he eliminated his own leash-mate?  Leash-mate... is that a thing?

JC: I don't think so RK, but what Might be a "thing" is what Lightning's response to Collins doing that, next week.

We're down to the final four and both members of The Family are chained to men besides their kin, The Wretched Nobody, having evaded the stomp rises to his feet and grabs up Spider - and unceremoniously throws him over the top rope - Nick doesn't notice at first but his weight is shifted as Spider nearly touches the floor yanking Nick back away from Titan who furiously gets back to his feet!

RK: The Giant Cue Ball is ANGRY!

JC: Oh, you don't want to see an Angry Cue Ball!

RK: But we are anyways, JC!

Titan and Sadistic clash in the middle of the ring locking up and each trying to gain the advantage shoving one another back and forth as Spider yo-yo's near elimination he finally regains his footing and then contests with avoiding elimination at the hands of The Wretched Nobody!

JC: That's a reason for Spider to go have a stiff drink... what a day he's had!

RK: Look at those two try to struggle for dominance though - it's like watching two trees choke one another out for the same patch of sunlight, slow, unruly and awkward as hell.

Titan finally gets the upper hand slamming Nick into the ground for all he's worth.   Titan picks up Nick and tries to send him out over the far side ropes - which yanks Spider back in over the top of The Wretched Nobody who is trying to push him to the floor!  Spider rolls down over The Wretched Nobody's back and turns around into a picture perfect standing dropkick that in and of itself - nearly sends the big man backwards over the top rope!

JC: Timber!

RK: Look out below!  It's Raining Weirdos!

JC: Halleluja!

RK: No, that's when it's raining men, not mutants.

JC: It's called "Artistic License" and mine's up to date, RK.

RK: So sorry, didn't know!

Spider is immediate on his attack but he doesn't go after Wretch, instead he runs and launches into a Vaulting Dropkick to the back of Titan's head!  Seeing his brother in peril, The Wretched Nobody who has since falled to the canvas, crawls over and grabs onto the slack chain that is left draped off of Nick's wrist as he clings desperately to the top rope.  Nobody gets up and a few hard pulls later, Nick is back up on the apron trying to help Spider eliminate Titan!  The Wretched Nobody gathers himself while Spider fires off forearm shots to the back of Titan's head between attempts to topple him out to elimination.  Spider looks back and sees The Wretched Nobody getting to his feet as Nick sees his chance and grabs Titan up onto his shoulders, Spider uses his slack to land The Wretched Nobody flat with a Flashback just before Nick sends Titan and himself both to the outside with the Sadistic Cross!  their combined weight yanks Spider clear over to the ropes nearly ripping his shoulder out of its socket!

JC: Unbelievable!

RK: They may be all Eff'ed up in the head, but The Family are good wholesome fun for anyone with a taste for violence, to watch!

JC: I think... yes their chains are all wrapped up!  Spider is trying to free himself but Nick took a bump from that fall too!

RK: And here comes the Biggest Freak of them All!

Spider turns to check on Nobody in just enough time to turn face first into a Creeping in the Dark - which Spider ducks!  Spider starts delivering surgically precise punches to the side of Wretch's head as Nobody tries to pull his long leg back over the top rope.  Outside, an angry Titan gets back to his feet as slowly as Nick does - Titan grabs Nick by the back of the head and sends him into the guard railing!  Titan grabs Nick up and we see the tense chain snap tightly as it is bound so much that when Titan delivers his Titanfall to Nick - Spider is pulled clear out of the ring!

JC: With a little help from Nick Sadistic, Titan and a twist of fate... we have a winner!

RK: I don't even think Wretch knows what happened right there, but Spider looks none too happy!

Spider quickly gets back to his feet as Titan rises - he gets a running Fameasser for his efforts!

JC: What a way to end this match!

RK: The Wretched Nobody wins, thanks to Titan!

JC: And Nick...

RK: And Newton's laws of Physics!

JC: You know about Newton?

[Dave]

Eddie Hayes vs. Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson

Adrian von Ziegler' "Wolf Blood" rises in volume on the sound system as a video is shown of the inhospitable landscapes of Iceland.  There is a shot of a Viking ship crashing against the waves as snow begins to tumble down from the rafters.  The stage opens and a platform raises level with the stage holding a kneeling Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson.  Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson commits his destiny to the Gods with a prayer then jumps to his feet bellowing a war cry at the audience as pillars of fire fly towards the heavens on either side of the stage!

Matt Thomas: Hailing from Reykjavik, Iceland. Officially Weighing in at a solid Four Hundred and Forty-One pounds. He stands an impressive seven feet tall and is currently the largest man on the WWG Roster! The Icelandic Animal! The Beast from the land of Fire and Ice! Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson!

Van Solver begins his slow walk toward the ring ignoring the fans and preparing himself for battle.  The crowd stand in awe of this mountain of a man as he gets up on the apron and easily steps over the top rope and howls to the sky with his tree-like arms thrust out from his sides.  He puts his fists together as if he were holding a sword and slashes through the air before holding one hand up in honor of his ancestors.

Knife Party’s “Power Glove” erupts throughout the arena to cheers, as if any in the arena would prefer to cheer Blackout over Odinsson, and Eddie Hayes emerges from the stage with a smile on his face.

JC: What’s he smiling about? Did he forget he’s about to face Van Solver one-on-one? Eddie doesn’t stand a chance!

Hayes is dressed in ring gear, long tights. He makes his way down to the ring, stopping to shake the hands of a few people in the front row, circling around the ring to fist bump with the Wildcards.

Matt Thomas: And his opponent, from Silicon Valley, weighing in at two-hundred and forty-three pounds less than Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson, and standing a whole foot shorter than Alvarlegar Vandamál Sólver Odinsson, representing Blackout, is Eddie Hayes!

RK: That sounded only vaguely patronizing.

JC: I’m just surprised you know that word.

Eddie Hayes looks up at Odinsson in the ring, and backs away, grabbing a microphone that looks slightly bigger than the normal ones, and starts climbing the steps as his music begins to die down.

EDDIE HAYES
You know, Alvarlegar - can I call you Alvar? - you know, Alvar, for a minute there I was worried. After Kavanagh told me I’d have to fight you, well, I just about **** myself. I’m not a wrestler. I have no training, no experience, what’s a boy like me to do against someone as massive and monstrous as you?

Still smiling, Eddie enters the ring, staying in an opposite corner. He gestures for the referee to enter.

EDDIE HAYES
I’ve always been one of the smaller guys. I wasn’t always six foot tall - which IS tall, by the way - but that doesn’t mean much here, does it? And look at you. More than twice my weight. And all of that, pure muscle. I mean you, you as just unstoppable, aren’t you? You can understand why I was a little nervous. But then a thought came to me. I can level this playing field. Kavanagh said I had to fight you, he didn’t say it had to be a fair fight, he didn’t even say what kind of match it had to be. So I’m changing this match to a no-disqualification match. Ring the bell.

The bell rings. Odinsson grins madly, as if Eddie Hayes had just gift wrapped himself. Odinsson steps forward, but Eddie raises a finger and the man stops.

JC: Just what kind of game is Eddie playing here?

RK: Don’t you remember our college days?

JC: Wait, did you go to college, or was that just me?

Eddie Hayes still has the microphone in his hand, and he splits it in two with his bare hands, grinning wildly. He flings half of it at Odinsson’s face, a little thump echoing throughout the sound system, but holds the bottom half, aims it at Odinsson and fires!

JC: OH ****! THAT’S A TASER!

Odinsson goes down onto hands and knees, stunned but not out, and Hayes swoops in, running forward and putting the giant in the skull. Odinsson flips onto his back, knocked out. Hayes makes the cover.

ONE… TWO… THREE!!!

DING DING!

JC: He did it!

RK: Unbelievable! Odinsson has just been stunned-

JC: What a shocking turn of events-

RK: It was a lightning paced match, but-

JC: Electrocution!

RK: Calm down, he’s not dead.

Eddie Hayes jumps to his feet and raises his hands in celebration as his entrance music plays throughout the arena.

JC: Eddie Hayes and Blackout have certainly had a few laughs here tonight, but this one, this is surely the last laugh.

Eddie continues celebrating as Carnage comes to a close.