Dave's Carnage 09/10/14 POWER 10!

[Dave]

Easiest way to get on the P10 this week? Just show up!

10. Rayven
Get on her. No, not like that! Okay, maybe like that. Mmmmmm-hhmmmmm!

9. Licious
Boss man got some stuff going on, yo. Flexed his muscles, but still has a stupid name. His parents must've hated him.

8. Alexander Lord
Impressive performances finally paid off as he tamed a beast temporarily and snuck a win. But still, he's giving away massively valuable belts every week, and not once has he given it to us. I'm the guy usually sitting in the third row with beer all over his shirt (gets harder to get it in the mouth with all the drinking...). Throw us a bone.

7. Abram Adams
Another win for Abra Kadabra and the Gang, and they're looking better each week. Are we ignoring them like normal new guys? Pretty much. But they'll probably sneak up on us.

6. Kaiju
Another faller, Kaiju suffered his first loss and was probably pretty shocked at that result, but all these crazies seem to bounce back huge, and with a shot at the ABsolute championship on the line, Yolandi Visser might be mostly paste at the end of next week's show.

5. Christian
Missing in action this week, but still pretty hot (not just his face... or his abs... no homo) and should bounce back if he returns. But, he's not on the card, so we guess he's taking what's left of his balls and gone home.

4. Yolandi Visser
WWG's craziest chick (or is she, there seems to be a sudden influx of a lot of them...) got herself another win, and looks set to compete for gold again soon. We won't be surprised if she manages to bamboozle a big guy and get the gold.

3. The Wretched Nobody
Didn't lose the match, but Grace was messed with, which is probably a worse result for absolutely everyone.

2. The Ascension
Fall a place, and finally off their pedestral, being bested by two crazy chicks in the main event. And they're finally become targets, with a newcomer trying to take the Carnage Championship from them. Maybe the days of dominance are finally over, and the overt sexual tension between members of this group is causing them to slip up. Just blow each other, guys, and get it over with.

1. Jack Pummels
What a hot commodity this bloke is. Early on he curbstomped someone who jumped the fence, I think it was Tiny Knob or something like that he said his name was, then he lost a match to Wretchie-poo by countout but took a kiss from a woman that gives the most stoic gay men chubbies. Don't think he knows what he got himself into, but no doubting he's on fire - and likely to get a nasty burn.

[Jack Pummels]

LMFAO! All these are just gold. I love the sexual innuendos. Jack Pummels number one! "Gives the most stoic gay men chubbies" - LOL. I sure love that Licious chocolate, still a stupid name though

[J-Dub]

Lmao I do get gay with myself