zef styl onderhoud

Two tall, empty chairs are shown as the cameras begin rolling somewhere in the backstage of an arena and the camera turns to reveal a young man in a suit, holding a microphone, trying to look as professional as possible. A passionate fan of Yolandi Visser would recognise this interviewer as the man WWG sent to South Africa to interview her before her debut match with the company months ago. Much time has passed, but his nerves are still as apparent as that initial interview, evident due to the fact that the microphone can clearly be seeing shaking slightly in his unconfident grasp, and with a wobbly deep breath he begins speaking into the camera

Interviewer
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is a unique night for the WWG universe. For the past couple of months we have sent out weekly requests to conduct a formal interview with the company's resident South African superstar Yolandi Visser, and needless to say these requests have come to no avail, until now. Out of the blue, we finally received a positive reply from Ms Visser following the conclusion of this week's episode of Carnage, so please, allow me the rare honour of welcoming for the first time since her debut in the company, Yolandi Visser!

The camera zooms out a bit and Yolandi Visser walks onto the scene beside the interviewer. Contrary to the interviewer's three piece suit, Yolandi is wearing a white t-shirt with a photograph of a woman's breasts on it to create the illusion of nudity, bright blue shorts that finish at the top of her thigh, and an odd pair of neon coloured Air Jordans with the word "zef" written over them. The interviewer holds out a hand for her to shake but she simply tilts her head to one side slightly as she looks at it, taking a drag from the cigarette she has in her right hand, the smell of which reveals it contains some kind of drug in it. After an awkward few seconds of her not reciprocating his handshake, he retracts his arm and gestures towards the two chairs behind them. As the interviewer takes his position in the chair on the left, Yolandi looks at her designated seat for a moment before sitting down. The sight of her sitting normally in a chair is a unique sight for the WWG universe watching the interview, but one that they are only temporarily offered as Yolandi quickly rearranges herself to be more comfortable, finishing in a position in which one leg is crossed and the other is folded so her chin rests on her knee while she continues smoking. Months have gone by since their first interaction together in Yolandi's home country, yet the time change does not seem to have altered either of them significantly, at least based on their personalities and actions. Yolandi is clearly as comfortable as ever to do as she pleases, despite clearly making the interviewer uncomfortable, and he is too nervous to say or do anything with reference to her strange actions. In as confident a manner as he can stage (which is not very successfully done), he begins the interview

Interviewer
Firstly, let me thank you for agreeing to take part in this interview Ms Visser, we know you don't usually like to conduct yourself in such a formal manner.

Yolandi takes another drag from her cigarette and exhales smoke slowly from her mouth and nose, giggling like a child as she replies

Yolandi Visser
What can I say? Ek mis jou, bru.

She blows him a kiss as she finishes this sentence, only adding to his discomfort about the whole situation

Interviewer
Well I suppose we should get down to the matter at hand.

He straightens his suit and tie as he stumbles over his first question

Interviewer
Firstly, I think the question everybody has been asking themselves since the results of this week's Carnage, what is your affiliation with The Family? We saw you team with Rayven in the main event and score a pinfall victory over The Ascension, and earlier on in the night it seemed as though Nick Sadistic and Rayven were both happy to defend you against your opponents that night in a backstage altercation that took place. Not only that, Rayven's words as of late seem to be hinting that her new obsession may in fact have something to do with yourself. Would you care to elaborate on this situation?

Tilting her head from side to side by using her chin as a pivot on her knee, Yolandi playfully thinks about the question she has just been asked before responding

Yolandi Visser
It's like this: last week Rayven was my tag team vriend because of circumstance. I'm not the only one with problems with Die Ascension, it's not a surprise their opponents are teaming up against them after the things they've done in the company, you know?

She takes a drag from her cigarette again

Yolandi Visser
And as far as I can tell, Nick and Rayven helped out backstage because if they hadn't, those Ascension poes could have taken me out three on one before our match, leaving Rayven on her own. Like I said, it's all circumstantial, bru. Now I don't know about Rayven, but as far as I'm concerned, our relationship was one of mutual needs to take out The Ascension. We've seen her obsessie over Christian in the past, and we could all tell he didn't have anything to do with that, so why would people think differently for me? Rayven can do and say what she wants - if she wants to be a Yolandi Visser fan then I won't stop her. The zef movement could do with more dames like her in fact. But think about it, if I was anything close to a friend of Die Familie, do you think I'd be going up against Kaiju this week to try to take the Absolute Kampioenskap that Nick so desperately wants? No, Yolandi fokkin' Visser marches to the beat of her own drom, her own zef drom that nobody else can even hear. The zef movement has grown so much since I came to Amerika, and the reason for that is because the zef army all march to the beat of their own drom. This isn't a cult, this isn't a religion, it's a fokkin' movement, bru.

Every time I step in that ring the whole world sees how much the zef movement has grown. The army gains troops with every passing moment. Months ago nobody had even heard of the word "zef" outside of Suid-Afrika, and now you've got hundreds of WWG fans bringing signs to shows, wearing shirts and all kind of kak with zef slogans all over them. The world is learning what I am all about. And this week Kaiju will learn first hand exactly what it means when you face Yolandi Visser one on one. The Absolute Championship is still calling my name, it's longing for me and the world is ready to have a slice of South Africa culture in their championship ranks. Yolandi Visser: your next Absolute Kampioen. After I get through Kaiju of course.

Interviewer
I'm glad you brought that up, actually, because that was going to be the basis of my next question. This week we'll see you and Kaiju face off for the number one contendership for the Absolute Championship - do you have anything to say about this match?

As the interviewer asks this question Yolandi rises from her seat and begins walking around the room in which the interview is being conducted. In the middle of his question she crouches down in a corner as if looking for something, and when she stands back up she has a rat that was hiding in a crack in the wall in her hands. As she turns around to face the interviewer again, he is clearly unnerved by this and shimmies his chair further away a few inches as Yolandi stands by her chair, choosing not to sit back down as the rat climbs along her arm and onto her shoulders

Yolandi Visser
It's about time I had to stryd with the man who thinks he's a monster. Or is he a monster who thinks he's a man? Wie weet, but either way it doesn't really matter. Last week I showed the wêreld that The Ascension aren't as safe in the ring as they think after I pinned them for the second time, and this week I'll do the same with the dier Kaiju. This cat rolls around the arena acting like he's a real monster, someone who you shouldn't fok with. He talks a good game about how he's forged from darkness and can't be stopped. Well luckily for me I'm forged from all the kak zef flow that exists in Suid-Afrika and I'm ready to roll with whatever demoon you want to throw at me. I proved with Demartinos that guys like that don't stand a chance against my zefside zol, and now I'll prove it again with Mr Kaiju.

I've been in this company for months now and I've done things nobody expected me to do. I hold two oorwinnings over The Ascension, I've beaten demons at their own games after being locked in cages like an animal with them, my zef movement is growing as each week goes by, and once I'm through with Kaiju this week, I'll be in the running for another shot at the Absolute Championship. Natuurlik, last time I fought for the championship I came up short, but that's the beauty of losing a fight - it's the best chance to learn about yourself and your opponent in a way you'd never have a chance to if not for the loss. I'm not going to complain or argue about how The Ascension got the victory over me at Eternal Glory - it's all geskiedenis - the same way I don't expect The Ascension to complain like the little tewe they normally are about how they got beaten by two little girls last week on Carnage. We're all in this company to fight and for glory. The Ascension might feel like they've earned the glory they were after, but imagine how much more it's going to sting once that Absolute Championship is taken from them. I don't care who's champion after this week, because whether it is Nick or The Ascension, it really doesn't matter to Yolandi. All that matters is the next time I step in the ring for a shot at that title, it's coming home around the waist of little evil me.

The rat crawls down her right arm and sniffs at her cigarette which makes Yolandi giggle again in her deceivingly innocent sounding way, and she takes another drag from it, followed by an offer for the interviewer to have some. He sheepishly rejects her offer and tries composing himself as the rat is held inches from him while her hand is held out towards him

Interviewer
So, you wouldn't mind facing Nick Sadistic for the Absolute Championship if you were both to win your matches this week? Could that be further proof that your affiliation with The Family is not as close as rumours are suggesting?

Yolandi smiles coyly at this question before replying

Yolandi Visser
Like I already told you my broer, my connection with Die Familie was entirely circumstantial. I was Rayven's partner because we both wanted to take out The Ascension, and we succeeded. If Nick is kampioen after I get through Kaiju this week, then it's little Nicky's arse that I'll be taking the title from. Either way, soon enough Yolandi Visser is going to be your next Absolute Kampioen. But I'm not even thinking about that right now anyway. I know better than to overlook my match this week - Kaiju is one tough naaier and nobody in their right mind would want to take him lightly. Have you seen that bru? I'm not ashamed to say he's like what you'd find back home in Cape Town on a late night in the wrong part of town.

Interviewer
So you're worried about your match this week? Do you see Kaiju as a threat to you more than your past opponents perhaps?

Yolandi Visser
Look at me.

She stands back and passes her hands along her petite body which the interviewer looks at awkwardly

Yolandi Visser
Most people that look at me wouldn't see me as a threat. And they'd all be dead wrong to make that mistake. Rule number one from living on the streets of Kaapstad: every single naaier you meet is a threat. People have seen me take out guys more than twice my size here in WWG, and because of that most people know I'm way more of a threat than I first seem. And then look at Kaiju. This bru walks around with his ugly little mask on, talking to himself and creeping out most people he meets. He's a monster. But that's an easy enough quality to overcome in an opponent if you know how to do it.

See, we've got a whole mess of these brus rolling through WWG everywhere you look. Wretched Nobody, Nick Sadistic, Abram Adams, Demartinos, The Dark Carnival...they all roll with their own monster style, every one of them has a side to them or...a kwaliteit that sets them apart from the "normal" people you see every day on the street. Kaiju belongs in that list of people too, without a doubt. But the thing with monsters is that they're not as special as everyone thinks they are - we all have the potential to become monsters, the only difference with these brus is they took it far enough to actually go full-on with it. They like to be the monsters we see them as, and who can blame them? For most of them it works perfectly.

The interviewer then interrupts almost as if he doesn't want to insert this extra question

Interviewer
Forgive me for being so forward, Ms Visser, but, would you not put yourself in that list as well?

Yolandi stops speaking and stares her black eyes right through the soul of the interviewer as he asks this question, cementing his belief that he should not have taken the liberty of throwing that question out there. She turns so she is facing him more closely, so much so he can feel her breath on him as she speaks quietly but intensely to the nervous wreck of a man

Yolandi Visser
You should listen more closely and do better research on your guests, Mr Interviewer Man. Yolandi Visser is not a kak monster - she's not a dier, a demoon, or a wrede. Yolandi Visser is the Zef Queen of Suid-Afrika, my bru! She is the leader of the zef movement and the possessor of the zefside zol. A monster is an untamed, out of control...thing that has no logic to its actions and can't explain or understand what it does. Everything Yolandi does is for a reason. Everything that takes place in the zef movement is for the benefit of everybody that follows it. The zef style running in the blood through these veins is what keeps me from being a monster and stay as what I actually am. The spokesperson of Suid-Afrika. The next Absolute Champion. Yolandi Visser is no monster. Do you know what she is?

The interviewer leans back from Yolandi as much as he can without falling off his chair so as to create some space between her and himself. He worriedly shakes his head at her question as she smiles an emotionless, twisted smile

Yolandi Visser
She's a fokkin' tokoloshe.

Yolandi then suddenly leans her head back, the motion that for the past few weeks has always been followed by a stream of mist spewing from her mouth. The interviewer strongly flinches in anticipation of the mist covering his face, but as he opens his eyes he sees Yolandi has instead stepped back away from him and is talking quietly to the rat that is now perched on her left shoulder. It sniffs around at her until she is almost nose to nose with it, letting its whiskers tickle her gentle face. She then looks back at the interviewer with an innocent look on his face, juxtaposing the image of her abyss-like eyes seemingly staring straight through him. The interviewer musters up enough composure to end the interview as best as he can

Interviewer
Th-thank you for your time Ms Visser. Good luck with your match this week.

Yolandi playfully courtesies in response to the interviewer's words and blows him another kiss before responding

Yolandi Visser
Welkom.

She then finishes off the cigarette she was smoking, throws the butt on the floor and puts it out with her foot. She turns away and gently skips down the hallway, singing to herself in Afrikaans and letting her new rat friend scurry along her shoulders and arms as she does so. Her voice fades as she leaves the scene, leaving the interviewer on his own to get himself back together again and rejoin the "normal" world