tik tok gaan die doem klok

Autumn 2014

Taxi Driver
WELCOME TO THE BEAUTIFUL LAND OF SUID-AFRIKA MY VRIENDS!

The overly-excited bellowing from a local taxi driver with a heavy South African accent begins the scene abruptly, shouting over the loud rap music coming from a boom box placed on the front passenger seat of his car. His taxi can barely be described as a vehicle - in fact it is closer to an open top jeep with no doors, windows, or seatbelts, and the bare-bones of the inside of a normal car. How this thing is street legal, nobody quite knows, but then again in a place such as this the law plays next to no role with trivial things such as car safety. The taxi driver happily travels along various streets with two people in the back seats of his contraption who are clearly tourists. Pale skinned strangers in a land completely alien to their own. They sit huddled close together in shock at their surroundings, clearly not very comfortable with their own taxi driver, but staying with him is the lesser of two evils for now where their alternative is to walk the streets on their own. As he drives them around, he points out some of the finer qualities of South African culture that you would not find anywhere else

Taxi Driver
Over here we have some local children playing games to pass the time. Look at them! Oh to be so young and care free again!

He laughs once again to himself loudly and with the excitement he seems to think his passengers share as the children in question are in fact playing a "game" in which one of them has been chained to a lamp post, while the others beat the living daylights out of him, before unchaining him and letting him fall face-first into the ground, only for the child to scramble back up and let somebody else have a go at being the victim. The couple in the taxi look wide-eyed at each other in fear

Taxi Driver
Oh and if you look down the street on that corner over there you can see a lyfwag - a, a, bodyguard - for a celebrity! You can tell it must be someone important because of the weapons he has!

Once again the tourist couple look in shock at this "bodyguard" that has been pointed out. They could not see any weapons that one might expect which confused them, but they did notice he had a chain in his hands which as they turned the corner in the car and got a better view of the man, they saw was in fact a leash for two tiger cubs who were almost grown enough to be considered adult lions in their own right. The taxi driver laughs again to himself as they pass the man and his "weapons"

Taxi Driver
Haha! Hello kitties! You want some snacks? I've got two tasty Amerikaners here for you!

He then turns to face the terrified tourists in order to let them know he was joking about feeding them to two wild animals. They look unenthused by the tour of the area this man has given them thus far, but he clearly cannot tell in the slightest. As he turns back to face the road and continue driving, however, the scene suddenly takes a cataclysmic change. Gunshots fill the air as dozens of people come running out of a building down the street and a couple come limping out, nursing fresh wounds they no doubt have just received. Following them are three individuals who strike fear into the tourists and even the taxi driver who has frozen in his seat, not daring to move his vehicle. Two of the three people have a gun each and empty shells fallen about their feet while the third, a small-framed young woman with skin white as snow, eyes black as night and someone else's blood red as vengeance itself covering her hands and parts of her body. One of the men scurrying away from these three who has a wound in his torso is aided by a friend who carries him away on his shoulder, leaving a pool of blood behind where he was about to fall to the ground. Inside the woman's bloody hands appears to be some kind of organ which makes the tourist couple wretch upon sight. The three stand still for a while letting everyone escape - whatever they came to do they have clearly already accomplished just from their victorious stature and as the last few people run, the taller of the two men with a mohawk-mullet haircut shouts loudly enough for everybody to hear

Ninja
Die fokkin' Antwoord hardloop hierdie plek, naaiers!

He then lets off another few rounds into the air and they begin walking away from the building they just left and, to the horror of the driver and his passengers, in the direction of the taxi. The two tourists sit in the back, horrified at what they have just been forced to witness, as the three people walk by as if the taxi were invisible. The whimper coming from the female of the couple, however, gets the blood-covered woman's attention, who skulks her way over to them and stares into the couples' eyes for a few seconds. She then raises the organ to her face, still staring into their panic-stricken faces with her jet-black, soulless eyes, and in an Afrikaans accent as strong as that of the taxi driver's, yet higher pitched than one would expect an adult woman to have despite her small frame, says something to them

Yolandi Visser
Hierdie plek verlaat.

As Yolandi finishes speaking, she lets the organ fall from her fingers, dropping it to the floor with a dull, damp thud. She then turns away from awe-struck, terrified tourists, seemingly considering them not worth her time, and she rejoins the two men who walk either side of her. As they walk away the taxi driver takes a long-awaited gulp that gets stuck in his throat and without a word being spoken by him or his passengers, the car screeches away from the scene, leaving the trio to relish in their destruction

Present

The scurrying of rats is all that can be heard as the scene begins. Taking place in a pitch-black room, it would be impossible to tell if the cameras have actually begun rolling were it not for the sound these rodents are making. Light footsteps can be heard from a distance, and from the sounds of them they are getting closer, but the lack of light in the room doesn't allow the viewers to see from whom the sound of the steps is resonating. They then stop as if the person is standing still and the sound of the rats gets louder as they excitedly interact with whoever is now in the room with them. After a few seconds of this eerie noise, with the flicker of a match, a small, pale face is suddenly illuminated for a few seconds and they can be seen staring directly into the camera from their left eye

For another few seconds nothing happens except for the cold stare from Yolandi's deep eye, her mask effectively removing any emotion from her face and her black hood shielding the majority of herself from view. She then speaks with a surprisingly softer tone than the fans have been used to as of late

Yolandi Visser
Welkom to my little rat cave. Please, no lights, you'll disturb my babas.

And with this sentence a sole white rat suddenly scurries across her upper chest, coming into view for a split-second before disappearing into the dark once again. Keeping her stance and staring straight into the camera like she is frozen, Yolandi continues

Yolandi Visser
Last week I did what I said I'd do and Yolandi fokkin' Visser came back with a bang, taking out Rayven and punishing her for her sins against Die Familie. And straight away it seems that the zef queen has been thrown another bone by fate this week in the shape of Mr Abram Adams. Allow me to introduce myself, bru, Yolandi Visser, the reigning queen of zef, rot godin, member of The Family, the tokoloshe coming all the way from Suid-Afrika. We've yet to cross paths so I suppose it's only polite I introduce myself this way before we clash this week. But I suppose that's not exactly necessary, we'll be meeting again sometime soon when your kampioenskap is on the line after all...

She turns away from the camera for a second or two, the back of her black hood making her as good as invisible to the camera, and then turns back after tending to a rat, now standing a few paces in another from the camera than she was just seconds before

Yolandi Visser
But Mr Adams, I really don't feel like I need to get acquainted with you now that I think about it. We're cut from a similar cloth, after all. I have my Familie, you have your crew, you live by your own logic and rules, and I've proven that the beat of my own drum is worlds apart from everyone else's, you're a force to be reckoned with...and I'm the fokkin' tokoloshe parents warn their kids about at night. Our clash was inevitable, like the confrontation of two atoms, bound to combust against each other and cause all kinds of destruction - I must say I'm surprised how soon out paths are about to cross though, bru.

Contrary to what the world might think, Yolandi Visser is not a...bad...person, Die Familie are not...bad...people: we just have our own set of rules and values, and we live by them like a code of honour. Is it a bad thing to have close allies who all look out for each other? No, it's survival of the kak fittest around here after all. Rayven learned that first-hand last week when we collided in the ring after her rebellious ways, and Mr Adams, this week you'll be the one with the pleasure of finding out just what The Family is capable of accomplishing together. But that's not to say I'll be bringing anyone with me for our match. No, in fact I'm looking forward to facing you one on one Mr Kampioen. It's about time the zef queen finally silenced all the naaiers out there who still doubt what Yolandi Visser can do once that bell rings. I've proven myself to Demartinos, to The Ascension, to that voëltjie Rayven, and now it's time for the champion of the entire company to learn what it means, exactly, to have the entire weight of Suid-Afrika crashing down on you.

She begins walking around once again, but this time another flicker of light is seen suddenly as Yolandi lights a joint and begins smoking from it, lighting up the scene a miniscule amount more, just enough for the smoke from the joint and from her mouth to be visible to the camera as she continues talking through it. With her mask removed from her face one would assume the scene would be a bit less unsettling what with the more human connection with Yolandi, but it doesn't change the eerie feel one bit

Yolandi Visser
This zef movement has been rolling ever since I stepped foot in the front door of this place and a little roadblock by the name of Abram Adams isn't going to stop that one bit. Mr Adams, you can talk all you want, you can creep people out as much as you desire, you can try to strike fear into the hearts of the people you greet, you're clearly very good at it - but don't you dare for a second think that you're going to be able to do that to this tokoloshe. I've seen bigger and scarier things than you in front of me just crossing the street back in Kaapstad, bru. Your little intimidation game isn't going to fly this week, it's all going to come down to exactly what you can do in the ring.

See, this is what I meant when I said we're not that different when it comes down to it. We're both from broken backgrounds, we both play our cards close to our chest, and so far we're both doing pretty fokkin' well for ourselves around these parts. But when worlds collide like ours will this week on Carnage, no good things can emerge from the wreckage. I've said it for the past two weeks, Yolandi Visser is back to enter and to win this tournament because the World Championship is calling out to me like a child praying for its God, just waiting for an answer. You may have taken it from Die Familie once upon a time but your little fairy tale ends with the big bad tokoloshe reclaiming what rightfully belongs to her people, and prying the title out of your cold, beaten hands. Believe me when I say this, Mr Adams: Yolandi fokkin' Visser is unlike anything you've ever met before now.

My zefside zol is all I need to keep this movement rolling. Bring whatever you want to our match because the way Yolandi is feeling these days, I'm taking no prisoners no matter who my opponent is. The stepping stones to my ultimate victory began last week, the return of the zef queen was heard all around the WWG Universe as the referee counted to three, and I'm taking the next step this week. See, Mr Adams, the reason for this journey that I've chosen to take is my history with this company, and in fact my history in life in general, you know? I'm sick, fokkin' siek tot die dood, of scraping along in this world. From growing up in the streets, to fighting to the top of the food chain in Suid-Afrika, to having to deal with sneak attacks from poes like Demartinos and Kaiju, to coming within inches of my own championship dreams, only to be dragged from them by my ankles. I'll tell you now, Yolandi Visser is having no more of it. The zef movement will keep on ploughing through everyone who stands before it, and before long the zef queen of Suid-Afrika will be the zef queen of the whole world, complete with the World Championship hanging beautifully around her waist, while the rest of WWG basks in her presence.

She takes a long inhale from the joint as this image sticks in her head - the goal she has longed for ever since she debuted in the company nearly eight months prior to this moment. She releases the smoke through her nostrils as her abyss eyes continue staring directly into the camera. Yolandi stands in silence for a while longer before continuing her speech, still smoking as she does so

Yolandi Visser
This is what happens when a rat is cornered. And Yolandi Visser has been cornered for way too fokkin' long as far as I'm concerned. The games are over, rot godin isn't showing mercy anymore, and even if my next opponent is the champion of the world, well the world had better get ready to see their champion torn apart by this cornered queen. War has descended upon the WWG universe once again, and this time the victor is going to be the teef that the world gave up on long, long ago. Before this place knew who Abram Adams was, before Yolandi Visser stepped foot in a WWG ring, the zef queen's war was raging already, boiling up and just waiting to bubble over until it couldn't be contained anymore. Now that time has come, and the zef movement is erupting at a rate that none of you naaiers can control. Not Rayven, not The Ascension, not Abram Adams, and hell, not even Die Familie if we're being honest.

So choose your actions carefully Abram Adams, because you're colliding with explosive material this week. The tokoloshe you always thought was just a silly story people told to scare each other when you were younger is coming for you, and like I said and proved last week, Yolandi Visser is back and ready to win. Fok with Yolandi, and you fok with an army, bru. And I'm not just talking about The Family. I'm talking about all of the followers of the zef movement back home in Suid-Afrika as well, the roots of what it is exactly to be Yolandi Visser. Little evil me has more than just a few tricks up her sleeve, you know?

She takes a final, long inhale from her joint that has by now been smoked to the filter and releases the smoke from her mouth slowly, like the insides of a lava lamp as it floats upwards, past her delicate face and into the darkness surrounding her

Yolandi Visser
But before anybody says otherwise, I don't want you to think I've gone and underestimated you Mr Adams. I know exactly who you are and what you can do - you did emerge from Barely Legal with the championship after all. But let's not lie to ourselves and say there isn't at least a small black mark next to that championship reign...there were a lot of outside factors contributing to your victory that night, bru. That won't be the case this week, at least. This is going to be a straight up, face to face battle for the ages, and even if you are the champion, we both have something to prove this week. Yolandi Visser is here to prove that she deserves a shot at the World Championship, she's here to prove that Die Familie can't be stopped, and neither can the zef movement...and as far as I'm concerned, you need to prove that your role as champion isn't just a result of exterior forces. Last week you defeated my broer Nick Sadistic and got one over on me and my Family, but this week the results won't be as in your favour once our match is over. And once I defeat you fair and square in the main event, there'll be no doubt that Yolandi Visser, the rot godin, is the rightful heir to the throne of WWG.

Yolandi then turns slightly so her whole face is now in front of the camera and both black eyes are gazing at the viewer. Another rat crawls from the floor and along her body, perching itself on her shoulder where it, too, sits and stares into the camera

Yolandi Visser
On a war, both sides suffer casualties, it's just the nature of things. Last week my brother in arms suffered a loss to you, Mr Adams, and I think it's time Die Familie got some reparations for that loss. You've been at the top of the mountain for too long already since Barely Legal concluded, but believe me when I say that Yolandi Visser will be the one to knock you off that perch with a thud. See, the klok is ticking on your time as champion Abram, and nobody can stop the doomsday clock from reaching midnight, no matter how deep, dark or dangerous they might be. Fate is blind to anything like that, all it does is roll on by, counting down your time before your very eyes, taunting you and reminding you that soon enough you'll meet your maker. This week you'll learn what it really means to be face to face with the zef queen, and then you'll realise your time as champion is numbered, and those numbers are counting down more and more quickly as each...day...passes. Your doomsday clock is marching on, Mr Adams. Tick tock, tick tock...

Her words resonate with the silent atmosphere of the scene and as she finishes her sentence, one can still almost hear the "tick tock" of her voice, as if a metronome has begun in the background somewhere. Yolandi takes the rat in her hand and places it out of sight on the floor somewhere

Yolandi Visser
The clock is ticking for you Mr Adams, and your time is coming to a rapid end while my zef movement continues to roll on through the universe. The rot godin of South Africa is coming for vengeance, and you won't like what this little evil tokoloshe has in store for you when we finally meet, Mr Kampioen...you won't like it one little bit...

And with this last message Yolandi turns her back to the camera once again, disappearing into the black void of her rat cave. Once again, as her voice fades and silence descends upon the scene, it is broken by the sudden scurrying sound of countless rats manically searching around in the dark for their queen as the scene comes to a close