King of Kool

“I like music that's more offensive. I like it to sound like nails on a blackboard, get me wild.”
Iggy Pop

“Love cannot save you from your own fate.”
Jim Morrison

As the sun began to set in the East for it was dusk. Soon darkness would fall upon Boston, most of the city making their way to Fenway Park to watch their beloved Boston Red Sox and if they couldn’t get into the stadium a local bar would suffice. The Yankees were in town and as always when their mortal enemies came to town it was a major deal. However, on this night Magnum Mike Mewes and Saitama Gomi made the trip to check out the local pro wrestling show, mainly supporting Inferno member and one of their boys Nick Thomson wrestle. Nick had made a bit of a splash already in within the company through his brash punk style personality. Needless to say, he fit right in with Mewes and Gomi, forming a tight bond with each other that border lined that of a brotherly bond. Tonight, he would have a chance to become the #1 contender to the NPW television title and his good buddies decided to fly up and support the kid. They looked at each other like family and family always supports each other.

In the hotel room Mike Mewes was by himself listening to one of his favorite punk bands, The Dead Kennedys. The in your face sounds reverberating from the speakers of the CD player were causing Mewes to rock raucously throughout the room, jumping up and down, head banging till it seemed like his head was going to disconnect from his body flying against the wall and exploding into pieces. All while playing a little air guitar. The song blaring through was none other than “California Uber Allies”, one of the Kennedys biggest hits and by far one of the most political, a dig at California Governor Jerry Brown. Like Mewes they were not afraid to say what they thought….even when people wanted to stifle and shut them up.

Rock on mutherfuckers!!!

Suddenly, the hotel room flies open and in walks Saitama Gomi, dressed down for once as he’s wearing jeans and a very slimming white shirt, a gold chain hanging around his neck. Mewes, not paying attention almost flies right into him causing Gomi to take a step back trying to avoid unwanted contact.

Easy Iggy Pop. Jesus don’t kill yourself dude.

**** you grandma. I didn’t know you were the fun police.

Suck it motherfucker!

Whip it out ****….

A short burst of laughter fills the now quiet room. Mewes runs his hand swiftly through his long curly hair. Walking over to the small mini fridge resting underneath the table Mewes opens the door looking for the bottle of Jack he’d brought with them. Pulling out two chilled shot glasses as well, he swiftly twists the cap to the bottle. Filling up both glasses he hands one to Gomi.

Ok, before we go…..double shot!! To retaining the titles and to our little buddy Nick may he win tonight and later win that NPW title so that we are all covered in gold!!

They down the first. Mewes quickly refills both glasses.

This….well this is to all the beautiful women that we may find after the show tonight. Let’s get down and dirty Gomi. Party like mutherfuckers!!!

Both men slam down their glasses on the table.

You have the blunt? Light that **** up.

I thought we were saving that for after the show?

**** it, we have plenty more where that came from, we did use the bonus for retaining the titles on it. We have enough
weed to smoke up the entire continent of Asia bro.

Gomi pulls a long brown blunt from one of the bags resting in the closet. Reaching into the right pocket of his jeans he pulls out a red BIC lighter.

Thank you **** Street Boys for the weed….we surely could not have done it without you.

Saitama places the flame at the tip of the blunt. Smoke slowly emits from the paper as he gets it started. After taking two puffs he hands it to Magnum. 5 minutes later, a thick cloud of smoke covers the hotel room, the blunt was finally finished. Mewes signaled to the door as a sign for them to head to the show. As Gomi opens the door twisting the door handle, a loud ding comes from the pocket of Mewes. A text message. It was probably Nick wondering if they had left for the show yet. They were supposed to meet him backstage beforehand. Reaching into his pocket Mike’s phone emerges and he looks down at the message. It wasn’t Nick. The number didn’t register as a contact but it didn’t have to. That number, he knew it all too well, but why now? Why so sudden?

We need to talk……

That is all that read through the screen of the phone. The unregistered number was that of Angela Dante. The woman that Mewes left back in 09’. The woman who gave her heart to him. The only woman he had ever truly loved.

What the….

You coming bro?

Uhh…uhh…yeah I’ll be right there.

The words sputtered out of his mouth like a car trying to start up after sitting in a cold winter driveway for days. Why now? The last time they had spoken she wanted nothing to do with him? What had changed? His thumb, trembling wildly as it hung above the call option. It seemed like hours but it was only seconds. All the possible scenarios rushed through his head. So fast it was hard to concentrate. Finally, after much deliberation with himself, Mike decided to hit the call option.

Hey dude, I’ll meet you down in the lobby man.

Ok.

Gomi preceded to leave the room. The click of the lock latching is the only thing that could be heard. Mewes took a long deep breath, putting the phone up to his ear as he awaited someone to pick up on the other side……

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The following promo does not reflect the views and opinions of the World Wrestling Generation and has been rated M for Mewes is **** awesome.

WWG Exclusive

Carnage will take place in a couple of hours, right here on the campus of the University of Nevada Las Vegas. Wrestlers have been arriving for about an hour now as fans have eagerly gathered outside the arena with signs, hoping to get a glimpse of their favorite superstars. Inside, down one of the long grey colored wall hallways are a set of locker rooms. One in particular is clearly marked “Magnum P.I.”, spray painted in gold. Immediately it’s very noticeable that people that the room is occupied by two people. One voice sounds very familiar as it sounds exactly like Mike Mewes. However, the other voice, female, can’t quite be placed. It doesn’t sound like any of the women on the roster. Wild moans, both male and female, pierce through the door like a banshee wailing in the wind. It sounds like….sex? The faint click of a door handle being jarred can be heard and the door swings open.

Uhh….uhh..what the ****!? Who the **** are you? Haven’t you heard of knocking mutherfucker?

There, bare ass hanging out is Magnum Mike Mewes, one of the arena staff bent over the far bench. Mike’s brow furrows looking at the camera and the operator who failed to knock. A visibly pissed Mewes pulls up his pants as well as the girl he was satisfying. Before she is able to pull her pants up all the way, the lucky male, well and female, if you are into that sort of thing get a peek of the voluptuous ass of the event staffer. What a magnificent, caramel skinned ass it is. While buckling the belt around his waist Mewes gives the staffer a long french kiss before smacking her on the ass.

I’ll see you later baby. We can go another round tonight.

The woman, her cheeks blushing, winks at Mike indicating she is completely down for another round with Magnum. She quickly shuffles out of the locker room, scurrying past the camera.

Really? Really dude? Was it not obvious of what was going on in here? You really thought hmmmm…opening this door is exactly what I should do right now. Jesus Christ man!

A timid, flustered voice comes from behind the camera.

I…I’m sorry Mike. I just came by to get some of your thoughts about tonight and you’re win last week. I….I didn’t mea….

Y….yo…you what? Whatever let’s do this so I can get back to banging that hot piece of ass again before the show. That’s right we are going to go 3 rounds if you know what I mean.

Ooo…Ok sir. Ready when you are.

Mewes walks over to the adjacent locker with his bag laying there. He pulls out the WWG team title belt slapping it over his shoulder. The shirtless Mewes walks over toward the camera, still a bit miffed by the interruption.
Well it’s another week and again Magnum P.I. proves why we are the top dogs in the tag division, standing firmly with the team titles. The Trotters thought once again that they were going to take the titles away from us. Once again they uhh…ummm…what’s the word I’m looking for? Oh that’s right….they FAILED! Second time in a row we whipped their **** ass like there was no tomorrow. Now, some will say we cheated. Some will say we didn’t win “clean”. Well, for all you wittle crybaby’s out there weeping and throwing a temper tantrum like a 5 year old, I’m looking at you Derrick…..tough luck! Those are the breaks kid. It isn’t my fault that a fan who is smarter than half the **** people in this company realized that you two don’t deserve these titles and decided to do something about it.

Mewes arrogantly slaps the title belt draped over his shoulder, a cocky smirk flashing across his mug.

It’s not like we needed him anyway, we would have made you little bitches cry like little girls without him. You guys suck and hopefully you finally realized that last week. Then, Wretched and little Maxi pad whooped their ass even more in the truck. Honestly, it felt like Magnum P.I. won twice watching that moment, it really did. Grace goes on some shtick about we want all the championships and the locker room should be scared and blah blah blah, how about I shove my dick in your mouth. Maybe then you will shut up with your incessant bitching you sloot! You want the titles? Come and get em boys because we are the ones who run this **** company! Not Freddy K….not you three **** posers….us Magnum **** P.I.! If you want the Absolute title you will have to take from us because I have an automatic shot against Trotter for it so you are just going to have to wait your turn in line girls.

Mike casually turns around making his way toward his bag. He pulls out a bottle of Jack and a shot glass. Mewes slowly pours himself a shot before downing it, repeating this process several times.

That will put some hair on your chest baby. Owwwww!

After sliding the bottle back into the bottom of his bag Mewes walks back over to the camera, clapping his hands in a mocking applause.

Anyway, good for you clowns. You beat down the most god awful team in the history of wrestling. However, this week I have a one on one with Screwball? Who the **** comes up with these shitty **** names. The guy is from a freak show? Where does Freddy find these idiots? Welcome to the big leagues rook. You had a rude awakening last week and its only going to get ruder and more vulgar this week. This week you are going up against the King of Kool babay. My dick has 10 times more talent than you do pal. My kicks are deadly and I’m just oozing with **** awesomeness. Three weeks in the WWG and you have already lost twice. Beautiful start bud. Just wonderful, that will get everyone’s attention. While over here I’m too busy winning matches and championships like a **** boss. Not to mention **** pounding **** like a **** god! Pounding **** 7 days a week, eating that **** like shrimp fried rice bro. What have you been doing….oh that’s right NOTHING! Go back to the sideshow where you actually mean something because you aren’t cut out to hunt with the big dogs kid!

Mike slaps the belt hanging from his shoulder. Looking at the camera Magnum holds the title up beside his face pretending it is a nice piece of ass and begins to move his tongue up and down as if he was licking some well ****.

You see this? This is what is all about son. Championships! Until you have one you ain’t **** to me bro. Come talk to me when you have actually done something significant instead of parading around like a **** idiot.

Mewes, title in hand spreads his arms out wide. Looking like an eagle about to soar in the sky.

I am Sir Sexy! Women call me the sexiest beast on the motherfucking planet. Get a look at one of the greatest gifts to this **** world. A sexual masterpiece that would put Michael Angelo’s art work to shame! If you didn’t already know I put the Magnum in Magnum P.I. ****. Women want us and men want to be us. I’m going to slaughter your ass this week Screwball! Savage you like a pack of lions gorging on a gazelle in the middle of the Serengeti. Your ass is mine, I’m going to send you back to land of misfits because that is all you are you stupid piece of ****. Then after I dispose of you like yesterday’s garbage me and the boys are going to party like **** rock stars. Because that is what we **** do bro. We play hard and party hard and **** harder. You heard that right ladies, we like it rough. Kick out the jams mutherfuckers!

With that Mewes slowly raises his hands above his head, his thumb, index, and pinkie fingers out in what has become the universal signal for Magnum P.I. and their followers.

Its real simple Screwball, your life will end tonight and the cause of death will be DEATH BY SEXY! Get ready for the FULL FACIAL!!

With that final comment Magnum lowers his arms a grin across his face. Mewes reaches out for the camera shoving the man down on the ground arrogantly. He goes to open the door but hesitates for a short moment. Casually moving his head toward the ground he gives a cocky smile toward the camera man laying helplessly on the ground.

Next time **** knock.

Mewes opens the door, letting out a chuckle as the door closes behind him