The following promo has been paid for by the members of Magnum P.I. and has been rated M for Mewes is ABSOLUTELY **** AWESOME!
Nightfall was in full swing as the bright orange of the street lights burned bright in otherwise total darkness. The latest WWG house show had ended a couple hours before and while many of the superstars had either gone to their hotels for the night, or had left town on their way to the next stop on the road to WWG’s Pure Hate, Mike Mewes and Magnum P.I. decided to do what they do best…...hit the town and **** party. Loud music threatened to break down the walls of the building brick by brick. Screams and wild cheers….mostly from the women could be heard. It sounded like a frat party on steroids. A flood of booze flowing down the throats of the patrons, causing that numbing feeling, nobody giving two shits about anything except for right here….right now. Everyone was absolutely lit baby.
Inside the dimly lit bar, multi colored strobe lights flashed wildly throughout the place. Gorgeous women, some in nothing but bra and panties seductively moving their bodies in sexually suggestive ways, dance on the finished oak bar, a few of them with bottles of liquor in their hand. On the walls hang pictures of famous rock gods and badass bands such as, Led Zepplin, The Ramones, Iggy Pop, Queens of the Stone Age, and of course Jimi **** Hendrix. Standing at the end of the bar was the WWG Absolute champion Magnum Mike Mewes. Wearing a jet black leather jacket his chiseled tan chest and abdomen were exposed, much to the delight of the lovely ladies in attendance. Mewes, admiring the view above him slightly tilts down his aviators…jaw dropped toward the floor.
Daaaaaammmmmnnnnnn! Get it girls, get that ****!
He grabs the whiskey drink in front of him and slowly lifts it toward his mouth, pressing it to his lips and letting the alcohol slide down his throat, not taking his eyes off the show in front of him. In utter awe of what was taking place he shakes his head in disbelief.
I….I….I can’t choose! I want them all, oh my god I want them all! Each one is better than the last. Holy **** what….
Suddenly a wide grin takes over the face of Magnum. Something popped into his head like a light bulb switching on.
I don’t need to choose. I can have them all. I’m Mike **** Mewes BAYBAY! Oh, oh man it’s good to be me.
Mewes begins to laugh while slamming down a couple of tequila shots lined up on the bar. One of the girls notices him eying her up, a flush of red fills her cheeks as she blushes. She squats on the bar, her voluptuous breasts at eye level with him motions for him to open up. When he does she pours the liquor in his mouth. Mewes pulls her off the bar, not being able to resist the chance put right in front of him. He kisses her, rubbing his face in her breasts. Childish giggles flow from her and a smile showing she likes it forms on her face.
OWWWWWWWW! I **** love this! This is the life baby!
With that he takes off the sunglasses, stuffing them in one of his side pockets of his jacket. Mewes then looks into the camera.
Who throws a party this wild?! Who you say?! Meeee! You know why I can and do? Because I AM THE GREATEST MAN ALIVE! This party right here is my pre celebration party for once again retaining my Absolute title! What? You fuckers think I was actually worried about the Lord Brothers?! Give me a break! I’ve **** tougher bitches then them. Let me tell you, those, were some wild nights man. Oh wait, I’m getting off topic here. Oooooohhhh the
Brothers Lord….I’m so scared! (Spooky fingers) I grew up on the streets of Detroit fellas, I don’t care about you two fools.
Laughing he slugs down another whiskey and lights up a nice ol’ doobie. He takes a couple puffs off of the joint as smoke hazes the camera for a couple seconds. Noticing the girls on the bar looking at him he gives them a wink and hands one of them the joint. She puffs and leans down giving Mewes a shotgun, blowing the smoke back into his mouth before kissing him. They lock lips for a couple moments and then she begins getting jiggy with it per se.
Oh girl….you….are….naughty! See you can do this **** with these girls when you have the equipment I’m working with. They don’t call me Magnum for nothing don’t cha know. You know who couldn’t pull hott women like this? The Lord Brothers. Girls like a real man. A man who knows how to handle himself in the bedroom. A man who knows how to get the job done. Look at that, I just described myself! They don’t want to be with trust fund douches who go around spending daddy’s money. When I look at you I see the two most pretentious idiots I’ve ever seen in god damn life!
Confidence radiates off of the Absolute champ who, hits the joint again. Some would say that this man in front of them is cocky or arrogant. However, those who believe this would be undeniably wrong. It’s not arrogance if you can walk the walk. It’s not arrogance if you know it’s true and baby this time….it’s true. Mewes was premier athlete not even at the cusp of his peak and already was one of the biggest stars in the whole company. Holding the Absolute title is a perfect example. The man also happens to be a double champion and created the Magnum P.I. stable. Mewes takes off his jacket to the delight of the women in the bar as they hoot and holler. Primal screams ring out and Mike winks to those he notices.
You hear that? They all love me baybay. That is the same thing you hear in every arena when I step out onto that stage and grace them with my presence. Every woman loves Mike Mewes! The ones that constantly boo me are the uggos…..who know I wouldn’t touch them with a ten foot pole, and those **** fellas who know that I could steal their girlfriends and their wives any **** time I want! They wish that they were me! If you don’t like me then you can suck my huge dick. I don’t care who likes me cause I know I’m awesome…..you know it too Brothers Lord. Admit it! My talent and my god given sexiness are far more superior to you. Maxwell you know it’s true. That’s why you have no chance in hell this weekend at Pure Hate!
Mewes quickly swivels his head to the side toward the corner room of the bar. Judging by the increased commotion and the cartoonish look on his face, eyes bugging out of his head, jaw dropped through the floor, someone must be stripping naked off camera.
Her…..her…..I want her! Jesus, this better than Christmas! Oh this party is so awesome! Ladies…..give a couple more shots! Yeah baby.
Three more shots are lined up. The buzz he felt was nothing short of fantastic. Finishing off the joint still trapped between his fingers, Mewes slams down the shots in front of him. What a night it would turn out to be for Sir Sexy. However, now, it was just getting started.
The outcome of this match will be the same….even with Alexander Lord at ringside. I saw the “message” you had for me on Carnage and I have to say….I was disappointed. I was prepared for this big extravagant speech talking about how you’re bro was the man who is going to beat yours truly. Instead, I hear the Syndicate has been “instructed” to take the titles in WWG. Instructed? Instructed? What are you guys a bunch of **** bank managers?! Good luck taking these titles away from Magnum P.I. The Syndicate sucks in my opinion, a bunch of little kiddies trying to act like hard gangsters. Magnum P.I. will absolutely bury you twats! My buddies are better than yours, dickhead. The only good thing about the Syndicate is that hot, kinky dime piece that walks around with that monstrosity Wretched Nobody. Gracie, baby, don’t think I forgot about that little flirt show you and I had on Carnage a couple weeks ago in the locker room. Dump that dumb, stupid piece of garbage and show me a thing or two between the sheets baby…..cause you are wild!
The power struggle within WWG continued. The man who “ran” WWG was losing control and that was proven on Carnage when the Syndicate declared Wretched eligible to just enter the match and capture the World title. Magnum P.I. was the dominant force in the WWG. If the Syndicate thought that Mewes and the boys would just roll over, they had another thing coming.
I think it’s cute, Max, that you think you have what it takes to beat Sir Sexy. However, you are just like every other loser I have beaten in this place. I’ll give it to you, your good….but you aren’t great. You aren’t a future legend like me. I’m punk rock and your shitty ass pop. I’m the Dallas Cowboys and you are the Cleveland Browns. A giant piece of **** that needs flushed down the damn toilet.
Mewes signaled for one more whiskey on the rocks. In his mind no one could touch him. Sweat from the temperature rising in the room began to flow down his body, glistening in the strobe lights hitting him rapidly. With a quick swig the drink was then gone. He slammed the glass back down on the oak bar and shook his head once again at the situation unfolding around him at this moment. Half the bar was now ****. Boobs floating all over the room, bouncing to the music. It was a dream cum true. (Pun intended)
Let’s wrap this up, I have people to do and **** to swim in! So listen up kiddies, here is some mind blowing **** for you. The absolute truth is that come Pure Hate the Lord Brothers Brothers Lord, however the **** you want to say it will find out what it feels like to get ****….a feeling only prison inmates know. First Maxwell, then Alexander. Next, the absolute fact is that the Syndicate will find out what happens when you try to take things from Magnum P.I. Let me give you a hint….it’s similar to what is going to happen to the first two. I will retain MY Absolute title, continuing the Absolutely Sexy era in WWG. After that I will focus on becoming a Triple Crown champ and taking that World title from which ever poor sap that ends up with it come Pure Hate. I hope its Wretched so that not only can I take the title from him but so I can **** his little hottie while I’m at it! The simple fact is I’M the **** future of WWG. Not Max, not Alex, not the Syndicate, or Kai Shepard….Its ME! By the way for all of you who care, the Magnum P.I. hot and **** college coed tour is about to begin at a college near you! Keep those kegs flowing boys and girls get ready to have your world rock baby! There will be no hate at Pure Hate for the KING of KOOL and Magnum P.I. My boy Ethan is going to walk out with a W and with a Mike Mewes W there won’t be anything but pure ecstasy for Magnum P.I.! That is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH! Now if you don’t win I’m going to have a wild **** with boobs McGee over there and her 6 very perky friends BAYBAY!
Mewes stretches his arms to the side, giving the Magnum P.I. hand sign on the left, the thumb, pinkie, ring, and index finger stretched out and the shocker symbol on the right, which he planned on using later that night. The party continues for the Sexiest Beast on the Planet and its going to run right through Pure Hate……
