The following promo has been paid for by the members of Magnum P.I. and has been rated
M for Mewes is
ABSOLUTELY **** AWESOME!The speakers sitting on the stage pushed out bone crunching, mind melting, pure desert rock as the Magnum P.I. house band raged, another generator party was in progress. Head banging, booze guzzling Palm Desert residents who had become good friends with the owners of the Desert Dawg gyms. The hottest boys in town became a staple in the desert, the talk of the town were these wrestlers who threw epic parties.
The headlights of the car surrounding the area burned bright in the late evening. ****, heroin, and everything else being sucked up the noses of party goers like a vacuum from the hoods of cars, exposed mid drifts of men and women alike. Chicks kissing chicks, just another night in the desert.
Everybody raise a cup to the greatest tag team to ever walk this earth and the stone cold foxes who get laid by them night in and night out baby!Sitting on the hood of a white corvette, the new car Mike Mewes had just bought were he and his friend Saitama Gomi. Surrounding them were four unbelievably smokin’ chicks in jean shorts and bikini tops, exposing their perky breasts for everyone to see.
So you chicks want to go see the gym later? I can uhh…..think of a few workouts we all can do…..get that blood flowing. We are great cardio instructors ya know….Both men winked at each other letting out a chuckle. Blushing, the girls giggle like schoolgirls whispering secrets about the cute boy in the hallway as he walked past. A flame flickers in the hand of Mewes as he lights up a doobie, taking two huge rips he passes it to Gomi and then going around to the girls in the circle.
And still the Absolute champ baybay…..as smoke flows from his mouth and nose like a dragon.
I still owe Collins a **** ass beating for attacking me. Maybe I’ll give him another broken neck. Hell I should find him and beat him down like a **** ****, making sure that **** punk doesn’t come back for good. I should be the Carnage champ…..not that **** Rayven….I’d **** her though….Well yeah, that is a no brainer!Making its way back around, Mewes rips the doobie a few more times. Girls are now hanging off of both men, running their hands from their chests down to their bulging packages and back again. Blood is starting to flow…..
This whole Syndicate bullshit is pissing me off. WWG is our **** party playground and these **** idiots are trying to ruin the fun bruh. It’s like the Island of Misfits have been regurgitated on the shores of the WWG because they made the ocean so **** sick!Gomi now takes drags off the joint before continuing the cycle. He releases a slow exhale as smoke rises toward the sky.
He chases the hits with some prime tequila….
Yolandi joining them only makes them look even worse. What a **** freak she is dude. Wretched and Yolandi should be the ones to marry each other so they can have freakish babies together. Those kids would probably be the spawn of Satan. I’ll take Grace off their hands and show her what a real man can do!Gomi looks to Mewes who is busy playing a game of tonsil hockey with the bodacious blonde. The ass on her an immaculate masterpiece. Just as Mewes pulls his mouth from her full lips, the band plays a cover of Fatso Jetson’s “Magma.”
Whoa…..Mewes shakes his head in a cartoonish manner.
So I went back and watched the replay of Pure Hate and laughed my ass off at the end of my match. I heard the announcers and they cracked me up!In a mocking tone, derogatory in manner he looks at Gomi.
Mewes stole this one! Oh no we stole it…..we stole it! Call the **** police Magnum P.I. stole it!Even the expression and demeanor both men showed screamed derisive insult to Zander and Johnson, WWG’s announce team. Magnum P.I. wore their colors proudly on their sleeve and those colors were ripe with arrogance and cockiness.
How do you steal something you had won the whole time? Dude it was a formality that you would win. I came down just to even the odds and help the match reach its rightful outcome quicker so we could get the party started!Mewes puts the finishing touches on the joint which had become a small roach at that point, caked with resin.
I don’t need anybody to beat anyone! Plus, we do what we want when we want, everyone should have figured that out by now. This week we get them in a tag match together….we will show them what a real **** tag team looks like, and we will do it with a god damn swagger nobody **** has!The Lords are old news. Ghosts of the past when WWG was absolutely terrible, long before we came here and took this brand to the next level, that next echelon in the pinnacles of life! I’ can’t wait to beat their ass all around that place….sending a message to the Syndicate that you don’t **** with the Kings of bravado, the Sultans of Sexy, the guys hung better than a Clydesdale horse in those Budweiser commercials!The atmosphere slows down a touch with the band playing right into the slow psychedelic guitar of Nebula’s “To the Center”.
They can suck our salty balls! Hey Lord Brothers guess what’s up….DEEZ NUTSSSSS!A roaring laugh explodes from the group centered around Mike’s nice looking corvette. Their level of blatant disrespect and the majestic tone of their vulgarity was at a peak higher than Everest.
Alex and Max are the biggest bunch of pussies I’ve seen since that time I ended up at the Playboy mansion!You made it to the Playboy Mansion?Yeah, wild story…..but another time. We are going to whoop their asses so bad they will want to crawl into retirement from sheer embarrassment brah! After a Death By Sexy and One Night Stand it will be lights out for the Lord Brothers and we can focus on bigger and better things….like the Carnage and World title. Trust me it won’t take us long before they realize they don’t belong and can’t hang with us…the Kings of Sexy!!! They take us out after I clearly won? Talk about sore **** losers. They will find out what happens with Magnum P.I. when you **** with us! I have an idea for some retaliation for those **** cocksuckers! I said it last week and I’ll say it again, Mike Mewes, Ethan Rains, Abban, Sebastian, and you Saitama…..we are the next generation of WWG! We are the gods of wrestling, the kings of kool, and Magnum P.I. is……JUST TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL bruh!The blood was starting to overflow and the manly juices were beginning to churn. Vesuvius was percolating, getting ready to erupt in a white magma all over these girls, girls who had been teasing long enough. It was go time for flow time!
Ok ladies we are going to take a little trip….hands and feet inside the ride during the entire time. Blow jobs are not mandatory but are greatly appreciated. Buckle up, it’s going to be a wild time!Everyone piles into the corvette. One in the front seat and the rest in the back. A wide smile from side to side appears on the face of Mewes. A chuckle falls out as he looks to the sky before getting in.
I **** love this!-------------
Magnum P.I. College Tour Stop #1- Florida State University Music thudded through the house. College coeds were in full swing of another frat party in Tallahassee….or as the locals call it….Tallanasty. Men and women, women on women grinding covers wall to wall action with booze flowing like a waterfall. An ice luge and boob luge….yes, boob luge were in the far corner. In walks Mike Mewes and Saitama Gomi looking for new recruits for their emerging gym and chicks to ****. Large signs rest above their heads, being held there by their outstretched arms that read “Where is Mia Khalifa”, a picture of the pornstar who has been known to be a huge Noles football fan in the middle.
We want Khalifa! We want Khalifa!The chant kept going for a minute or two before they set them down against the beige colored wall. Mewes scans the room in hopes to find her, however, she seems to be missing in the crowd.
I told you she wouldn’t be here…..
**** you dude…..Let’s get to work brah!Mewes and Gomi cut through the crowd like a machete in the bush, handing out cards for their gym. Every so often they get distracted by a beautiful college chick, **** and liquored up. One by one they get commits…..convincing kids to get into combat sports once their college days are over. A considerable amount of them have watched or are fans of the pro wrestling scene. Many fans of Magnum P.I. for their antics and party lifestyle. To them they were living the dream.
Hey girl! You like what you see? Yeah, I know you do babe!Wanna parrrttttyyyyy!? I do! Let me show you some tricks…..They make their way to a group of hot babes dancing together, grinding as if there is no more tomorrow. Prime ass in a premium spot. They knew they didn’t have to work too hard with these **** chicks.
Are you guys…..Mewes and Gomi give each other a quick look before answering with
….Hung like mother fuckers……yes, yes we are ladies. Childish, somewhat drunkin giggles slip through their delicious lips.
No, those wrestling guys. Magnum Mike and….Saitama Gomi….yeah that’s us.So is it true? Are you..you know. She looks Mike up and down, scouting him for a possible ride.
Why don’t you find out babe? A smile flashes at him from her. She was almost ready to go.
Mewes knew he had her in his grasp. A grasp that would soon find its way to her sexy ass. It wasn’t guys they were just looking for either to come to the desert. They also wanted to have a strong female presence in their midst too. It doesn’t hurt to have something to look at while molding them into stars. Mewes and Gomi were ready to, in the words of Donald Trump…..grab them by the ****.
You know, we are looking for women members for our gym too. We don’t discriminate. You lovely ladies would fit right in to our style.Hmmm….maybe we would. We are cheerleaders. So we fit the bit mold for athletic. We would…..have to get to know you first. She winks.
So you are pretty flexible. I mean you have to be when you do all those stunts. I like flexibility girl. In more than one way.She gives him a seductive look, a slight bite of the lip before smiling and looking him up and down once again. She wanted it, and she wanted it bad.
Do YOU find out? Ohhhhh….I do.I can do things to you that you only dream of boy. I think I want to do those things to you. Do you?Mewes and Gomi, tongues hanging out like thirsty puppy dogs, look at one another, back to the girls and back at each other.
Yes….yes I do. Oh how I want to see this. I told you this **** was a great idea. Gomi nods at his partner, agreeing with him that he hit a home run on this one.
She grabs both of them by the hand, her friends follow as if they were sexy little minions and she was the queen of the kama sutra, leading them into one of the rooms. The door softly shuts, the last image being her throwing Magnum on the bed. IT WAS ON.
The next day #WhereIsMiaKhalifa was trending on twitter.