All Jacked Up-Absolute Title

[Van HeLLsing]

b] The Following promo has been paid for by Magnum P.I. and is rated [/b]M for Mewes is **** awesome……
 
The locker room was empty.  Mewes got to MSG very early, looking to get settled so he had time just to chill out.  The party the night before was **** amazing.  Tatiya gave him a crazy lay in Russia while sealing a deal for his gym to get Russian superstars.  It had been a wild couple of days but they were definitely a fun couple of days.  Now it was time to plan for the after party tonight when Magnum PI sweeps and brings home three titles. 

You, camera monkey, come here.  Stand right there and don’t move.

Mewes positioned the man right in front of him.  He faked a superkick causing the camera man to move bracing for the impact. 

  I thought I told you not to move.  Anyway, welcome to the locker room of Madison Square Garden where in a couple of hours I will win my first of two matches, retaining my Absolute title from Jackie Pummels.  By the way, I haven’t seen Jack at all today, maybe hes…..JACKING OFF haha.  Oh, I crack myself up.  Either way, he does not stand a chance against Mr. Magnum.  I am the greatest talent on the roster today, its not my fault that this shitty management hasn’t recognized that.  Mike Mewes and Magnum PI provide the much needed ratings boost that they all look for when running a TV show.  So, now Jack Pummels just walks back in after being retired for years and thinks he is going to take my title?  Hah!  You have no **** chance in hell!  Your first problem is the talent you possess, which is no talent at all.  I have no idea why so many people fear you, and the all the fans that cheer you.  Those fans should be cheering me, I’m the true number 1 guy! 

Mewes throws his bag to the side and runs his hands through his hair.  A smirk comes over his face, thoughts running through his head, wondering what he should say next.

Jack Pummels, it is your turn to face the music courtesy of Magnum P.I.  When the dust is settled and all is said and done, I will be standing over your broken body, holding my Absolute Championship!  That’s right, I said broken body.  I will tear you up like a lion on a gazelle bro!  Your ass is mine!  You stepped up to the wrong person homie and now it’s time to pay the price!  After tonight you won’t be jacking off…..you will be JACKED UP!  You have never been in the ring with someone like Mike Mewes.  Yeah, you have been in there with Wretched but you don’t remember I beat his big goofy ass!  So that excuse is out the window.  The fact that you let a championship match go down the shitter and all hell broke loose shows your skills, or lack thereof, you couldn’t even control a match, what makes you think you can control me in that ring?  The answer is you can’t!  So, everyone wave bye bye to Mr. Pummels because his ass is going back into retirement, thanks to yours truly!

With that Mewes actually does superkick the cameraman this time.  He sends him to the floor, out cold. Then he takes out his **** and begins to **** on the camera man before leaving.